My Body, My Rules

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I went out with my father and we stopped to get some groceries. Due to lack of parking space, he stayed back in the car. After buying the things I needed, while at the billing line, an old man came and stood behind me. The first time I felt it, I moved a step ahead believing it to be a mistake. The second time, I had my doubts and the third time, I felt disgusted.

I assume there are a minimum of 100 women that are groped on public transport everyday, just in my city. With almost every complaint, there comes a statement

“What did you do that provoked the man to touch you inappropriately?”

Every time I hear that question, I want to scream “Yeah, she walked up to him, smiled and told him she wants to get a room and so he touched her and she’s an idiot for standing here and complaining !” Am I the only person that finds that question so insanely ridiculous?

There was a recent article I read about rapes and a woman had commented “Women shouldn’t be told how to dress. Men should be taught to keep their pants zipped up.” I cannot quite agree with her. It is so easy to argue with that statement and talk about how groping doesn’t mean he has his pants down. Does that make it ok? And also, you’ll be surprised at just how many male rape victims there are in this world. Just because it’s not flashing on the news or being printed in big, bold letters in the front page of the paper, does not make it non-existent.

That old man’s hand brushing against my back made me question myself because for a minute I wondered whether my dress was too tight in the back or something was too flashy. Then I stopped and told myself that it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t have the basic decency or common knowledge that he shouldn’t be touching what belongs to someone else without their permission. Because here’s the thing :

I CAN CHOOSE TO WEAR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT MY UNDERWEAR AND WALK AROUND TOWN AND YOU STILL CANNOT TOUCH ME BECAUSE IT IS MY BODY. HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR WHEN I SAY, MY BODY ! NO MATTER HOW APPEALING OR UNAPPEALING IT LOOKS, IT BELONGS TO ME AND THERE IS NO EXCUSE YOU CAN GIVE FOR TOUCHING IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

No man or woman would like for me to walk into their house and randomly throw their stuff and break their valuable things and say “Oh well” and walk out. My body is valuable to me. You cannot touch it, feel it or use it without my permission and when you do that and the world finds a reason to blame me for it, I find it ridiculous, absurd and unacceptable !

I keep thinking, what if instead of the old man trying to feel up a girl who is young enough to be his great granddaughter, we both stood in line and I just turned around and slapped him and said ‘Well, your face was annoying me. I needed to hurt it.’ ?!

I’m pretty sure the store would have thrown me out, the general public would have cursed me, cooed to the old man and told him I was a bitch. A gentleman in the corner might even call the cops. “How could you hurt someone for no reason?” But when he did what he did, the woman in the next counter just looked and turned her head away like nothing was happening. Here’s the thing. Even if I’d hit him till he bled, the physical scar would have faded but when someone violates you in a very personal way, the mental scar they leave stays with you.

We have gotten to a point where, when you read “Rape” on the newspaper, you say “Oh again” and turn to the next page. It is so common because the abusers and rapists are never fully blamed. There’s always that small part that questions what the victim did to deserve it. The victims hide their faces in shame and some of them never tell anyone about it in fear of the humiliation they might face through all the nonsense questions.

There are still places in this world where the people around the rape victim say “How will you ever show your face to the world again? You must be so ashamed.” To those people I’d like to say, FUCK YOU ! Not just for being so stupid but for killing any courage that poor human being might have when it wasn’t her or his fault and the one who should be ashamed is walking around like nothing ever happened because of people like you.

To the idiots that say “Yeah, a lot of people get groped on public transport. You have to live with it,” you are empowering the criminals and letting them get away with crimes such as stealing (a person’s feeling of safety), trespassing (a person’s private, personal space), hurting (a person’s emotions) and killing (a person’s self-respect). I think, you, dear asshole, are more to blame than the rapists and gropers.

Once we got home from the store, I told my dad what happened and he looked at me and said, “The next time someone does that, turn around and scream. Don’t let him get away with something like this. These are the people that slowly grow confident that the person on the receiving end isn’t reacting and will someday end up raping some innocent girl that goes his way.”

I couldn’t agree more. Stop their behavior when you still can. Teach the douchebags a lesson they won’t forget. One doesn’t have to be raped to feel violated. Even a brushing hand in a crowded bus feels like a blow to one’s emotions and feeling of security. Scream, shout and drag him to the cops. If someone questions you about how you provoked the groper/rapist, shove their name in there too. Let them all sit together and learn how to respect an individual.

Because the world might find a million reasons to blame you for it or tell you you’ll get over it, but at the end of the day, it’s YOUR BODY, YOUR RULES. 

Someone Cares

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Like almost everyone, I went through the typical teenage phase – “nobody cares about me.” But unlike most people, that didn’t stick long because I realized that there was someone out there, who didn’t know me, that was risking their life for me.

Do you know that feeling you get when you think about someone and you smile because even if you lose everything you’ve got – your money, your looks, your memory, even – they will always care, no matter what? That’s the feeling I got and it’s a feeling I’ve carried with me through all these years.

This person, is possibly the most selfless person you’ll meet. Though his family suffers and is in utter turmoil more times than normal, he will still give up everything to give you the life you live. He might even have to leave his innocent new born so you can have a roof over your head and food to eat.

I knew a teenager about six years ago. She was just like everyone else. “The world doesn’t care. My parents don’t care. Nobody cares. My life is a mess. I have nobody.” And then one day, a YouTube video changed that. It changed the way she connected with other whiney teenage girls like her. The nobody cares turned into a “how dare you say nobody cares?”

The video was .. “Dad’s Homecoming.”

An innocent middle schooler was sitting in class when his father walks in and the kid just bawled his eyes out. He was seeing his father for the first time in three years. Because the father was too busy protecting the nation so people he didn’t know can get up and go to work without having to worry about the safety of their lives. A wife somewhere had to cope like a single parent so her husband could help some kid somewhere without the kid having to worry about his/her life and just focus on learning colors. A girl somewhere has gotten through prom, graduation, university without her father being there for any special moment just so some other girl can have the opportunity to do so without getting killed.

That video changed the way she looked at life. Somebody out there cared. He didn’t know her, he didn’t know what she did, he didn’t know her flaws and most of all, he didn’t care. He was willing to give his life to keep someone like her safe. If that isn’t care, she didn’t know what was.

That teenager was me.

There are more videos like that than you can imagine. Every one of those will bring you to tears. The sacrifice those people do is beyond me. Since then, every time I feel like nobody cares, I think of this person. This person who left his family, who left his “safe” life to go risk his life just so I can peacefully sit here and write about this.

Imagine living a life where you wake up everyday fearing that maybe your father / husband / friend / son / fiancé / brother will come home in a box, dead and cold. Having to record every moment of your child’s life in hope that someday you might be able to show it to them should they come back alive.

I am thankful to those innocent people, men and women, who give up everything they have to give me everything I have. For their struggle, for their strength and for the lost lives. Most importantly, Thank You for the care.

 

The Life & Death Of It All

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I wrote this post on Sunday. I didn’t post it. I was too emotionally lost. I’m still not very sure but I’m going to take a deep breath and here goes..

This whole weekend has been such a blur. My friend was having her Sangeeth (The Indian version of a pre-wedding party) today evening and I’ve been planning for it for a while now. Last night I got food poisoning. I was so sure my weekend was ruined. Things can’t get worse. You know, the usual whiney “My life is cursed and bad and nothing ever goes as planned.”  This morning I woke up to a status message on Facebook.

Every time you think you have it bad, life shows you that it could be worse. A while back I wrote a post called “The People Who Change Your Life” about a guy who was the reason I chose to study what I did and pursue the career and somehow find what I now know I absolutely love doing. A cardiac arrest had led him to a coma for close to ten months and at 7a.m today ( 22nd of June ), he ended his journey here. I have this shaky feeling that I can’t get rid off. I really had hoped he’d get better in some miraculous way but life isn’t always fair. I’m here whining about not getting to go to a party when his mother has to live with the fact that her son is never going to wake up.

So many messages of love were pouring on to his Facebook timeline. What’s the point ?! He’s not going to read it. He’s gone. He doesn’t care if you both had a memory anymore. He doesn’t care to say “Oh look I had so many friends on Facebook.” It makes you question the concept of “OMG I HAVE THREE HUNDRED LIKES AND TWO THOUSAND FOLLOWERS !” What’s the point ?!

I did go to my friend’s Sangeeth. I not only needed to get out but I also wanted to be there for her. Though time may have put us at a distance, she was one of my closest friends in school. She was so happy and giggly. Her fiancé was doting on her and it was such a pretty sight to watch. They were ready to begin their lives together. Their love surrounded them and you could see it when you looked at them. But even that didn’t help the way I was feeling.

I often feel like death takes up too much space in my mind. Not just in reality but when I read books or watch movies, I tend to turn to stories that I know will depress me and I let it occupy my mind though I swear I am usually a very happy person. But I feel like there’s something about it that’s so realistic. It’s the truth that is inevitable. It’s going to happen to every one of us no matter what we try. But I can never accept it. I believe in spirits and ghosts because I hate thinking that something s simple as that has the ability to take a person away from us forever. I don’t even know.

I’m pretty sure this post is as lost as I’m feeling at this point and I’m sorry for that but I really just don’t know how to feel. I wasn’t close to him but to me he played a big part in how my life tuned out and so he mattered. It mattered that he came out of his coma. It mattered that I got one last chance to say Thank You. It’s funny how you never realize how important a person in your life can be until you know you might never say something to them again. I wish I’d realized this before his coma. I wish I hadn’t lost touch.

I guess the only thing I can do at this point is to hope he rests in peace and his family and friends find the strength to get through this..

 

 

My Best Friend – A Superhero

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“The monsters are gone.”
“Really?” Doubtful.
“I killed the monsters. That’s what fathers do.” 
― Fiona Wallace

I’ve come across different kinds of fathers. The stingy one, the overly obsessive, the over protective, the non-stop traveller, the man buried in money, the playful one, the furious one, the perfectionist..

I’ve read stories of fathers who kill their daughters because she divorced her abusive husband. I’ve read stories of fathers who abuse – physically, mentally and sexually abuse – their daughters. I’ve read stories of fathers who died protecting their daughters. Of fathers who live in guilt that they survived a hazard and their children didn’t. Of fathers who would give their world to keep their little ones safe. Of fathers who run away from responsibility. Of fathers who come back from war to see their daughters graduate.  Of fathers who hold their dying child’s hand and tells them he’ll meet them there. Of fathers who warn their daughters’ boyfriend, “Hurt her and I’ll hurt you!”

Like I said, I’ve come across different kinds of fathers. But nobody quite like my best friend.

I could start this off saying “he’s a superhero.” But that would just be the child in me. So let me talk about the man that would give up his world to put a smile on his kids’ faces, the man who doesn’t have the ability to say no, the man who has accepted his kids for who they are even though he comes from a place where any other father in that situation would have looked at their child and said “I’d rather throw you out than call you mine.”

He’s the person that every child dreams of having in their lives. Even during the most difficult of times, he tries to give them everything they want. He works hard is an understatement. He makes every other man in this world not worth it. He supports, understands, loves, cares and most importantly, stands by you.

Like all best friends, we quarrel. We have big arguments and stop talking for a few days. But then we snap out of it because, “come on. You can’t be mad at your best friend!!” I tell him everything. My secrets, my dreams, the comments on my blog that make me smile and most of all, boy troubles. He always understands. When I had my first break-up, he was there for me. When I was half-way across the world crying on the phone because I wanted to come home, he stayed on the line and talked me through it.  Midnight medical emergencies, ligament tears, home sickness and fights with my sister, he’s been there for me through it all.

I’ve heard many childhood stories of mine with him. But I don’t remember much of it. What I do remember is the person that said “Let her have a life and make her mistakes and learn from them.” I remember the care when I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out at the same time. I remember the tears of joy I had when he gave me a card to congratulate me for the very first money I ever earned. I remember the silly laughter, the perfect movies, the love for popcorn. I remember Hindi movies with subtitles, Drive-in theatre experiences, our first trip alone and the first time he put me on a flight back home all by myself.

I’ve learnt so much from him. I’ve learnt to stand up for what I believe in, I’ve learnt to not settle for anything less than what I deserve, I’ve learnt what unconditional love and care means and he is the reason I learnt to dream, to chase those dreams and to not stop for anyone.

Like all people in this world, time and life pulled us apart a little by little. But even today, when I have news, when I am hyper for no reason, when I am bored, when I find something interesting on Buzzfeed, I rush to him. And even today, he listens and nods his head even if he doesn’t have the time to be doing so.

To my superhero and my best friend,

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

🙂

Great Expectations

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When I was a kid, one of my cousins said she wanted to be a journalist. It sounded so appealing. So fancy. I wanted to be a journalist too. Then I wanted to be a doctor, an actress, a singer, an F1 racer, an astronaut, a movie producer, an advertising creative head.. A full circle that ended in “I want to be a Journalist.” It was my first dream as a kid. It is my dream as an adult. I also want to write a book but that’s more a desire than an ambition.

Many of you would know, writers don’t get paid much. I knew that at some point I was going to have to give up my ideas of living like the Kardashians (You can call them my guilty pleasure) . No private jets, no Bora Bora vacations and definitely no million dollar wedding. My luck was that I always told myself, If you’re content, consider it enough because, sometimes, even billionaires don’t get there. So it was not THAT difficult for me to accept it and I always thought that was enough.

Turns out, I was wrong. You accepting your life choices is the easy part. Getting everyone else to where you are, now that’s a challenge. I remember reading somewhere : When I picked up my kid, I realized my father would have felt the same way I feel now and it makes me wish I had been a better child to him.

I didn’t have to pick up a kid to know that my father had big dreams for me. I was the smart one. I would go places. The world would look at me and say “Your parents must be so proud” and my father would stand beside me nodding his head yes. Instead, I defied him every chance I got. I chose an industry he didn’t particularly approve of. I chose a lifestyle he didn’t enjoy. I now chose a dream he knows would never get me to where he hoped I would be. I became someone he didn’t understand and in all things short, I will openly say : That dream that he had when he first picked me up at the hospital and looked at my face – I crashed it. Hard. And someday, I might regret this. But today, I choose to be that rebellious kid that says “But Dad, I’m happy !”

I came across this picture recently.. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’m someone who believes one must always do what they love, not what they’re forced into. So it’s not a surprise that I automatically took to this picture.

 

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I’m doing what I love and what I believe I’m good at. Yes, I’m terribly broke but when I get up every morning, the only thing I don’t want to do that day is take a time consuming shower. I’m always so excited to go to my internship because going there means writing and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I realize that the #WIN is something that I might not get to. It is a space that only a few people actually make it to and maybe I will, but the chances are slim and I can accept that. But how do you convince the people who have raised you and loved you and dreamt big things for you that you’re going to be a normal working class person and you don’t mind and neither should they ?!

With great expectation comes great disappointment. It really is true isn’t it? I wish it could be different. As a kid, I enjoyed studying. As a teenager I hated school with every cell in my body. As a university student, I loved it again. And now, I just want to move forward. I want to find a job that allows me to do what I love. All through my years as a student, I never succumbed to expectations. Until now..

I want to say something to you.. Something that I am now repeating to myself, every single day of my life. People will always have their expectations. There are the ones who expect you to be better at what you do and there are the ones who expect you to be doing something better than what you do. Mute those voices. Some call them motivating but I think if those voices didn’t exist, you’d be more happy doing things your way. They always pressurize you with their great expectations of who you should be. And I believe in taking a stand for who you are. Who you are might change the world, might cure cancer and might even make penguins fly. But you won’t get there if you let others manipulate the way you think, constantly. Sure, you might still get to your destination with those voices. But the journey without them might have been a more peaceful one and it’s always the journey that defines how you feel about the destination.

Every time I send a resume somewhere, I remember my father’s face. I realize how he deserves much more than this. He deserves to be by my side as the world looks to me the way he wanted it to. I think of what the future might hold. The expectations the people in my life will have. The example I set for my siblings. How I wish I could mute them and do what I love like I always did..

As I write this, I can still hear people telling me this isn’t enough. This isn’t success. But I’m going to try and not care about it. Because this.. this makes me content. And that’s more success than I could ever ask for..

May Madness & My Madness

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This week has been crazy. This month has been crazy. Everything I never thought would happen to me, did. I woke up this morning and realized I didn’t put up a blog this weekend and I almost gave into it thinking “one weekend. I’m on break.” But it didn’t seem right. This is going to be the second post where I don’t have an actual topic. But here goes :

I wanted to add this because in my previous blog, Looks can be deceiving – where I talked about how you should walk up to a stranger and tell them that everything is going to be ok, someone had asked me if I had ever walked up to someone on the street and told them that. I realized then that I hadn’t added my personal experience in the post. So let me do it now. The experience that inspired my post was not a situation where I went up to someone and told them that. But rather, the other way around.

October of last year, my mum had taken me out and I’d finished early so I was sitting in a corner and was waiting for her to finish her stuff. I was whatsapping my friend and smiling about something. I looked like a normal 21-year-old. Nothing looked wrong. Nobody could even guess that two weeks before that I’d gone to see a psychiatrist because I was drowning in depression. I had my hand on my cheek and that’s not a good thing to do, according to my tradition. So this old man walked up to  me and told me not to do that. I listened to him (you don’t really want to say no to someone that old) and he walked away. A few minutes later, he walked back to me and said “Don’t worry. It’ll be ok. No problem is unsolvable.” I don’t know why or what made him do it. But that entire day I was so positive. A few weeks later, I started this blog and right after I got my first follower, I mentally thanked him for giving me hope when I needed it. That’s why I suggested the experiment. I didn’t look like I needed to hear those words, what with my smiling and giggling and a nice fancy smartphone, but I really really really did. 🙂

Also, the first thing I realized beginning of this week was that every time I have to write actual, I write actualy. It’s annoying as a writer that I mess up the easiest and most simplest of words.

My aim to finish chapter 3 of my book by the end of May hasn’t happened. I’m half way through chapter two and then I just got super busy.

May also marks my six month bloggiversary. (I don’t know if that’s a word. But it describes this perfectly.) I’m really glad I took the plunge. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for six months. It’s been amazing 😀 Thank you for all the comments and the encouraging words. Thank you for the creative criticism. Just.. THANK YOU 🙂

The last time I did a post like this, I added a few of my poems from the past. This time, it’s all about the arts … or doodles actually. 🙂

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Have a good week ahead of you 🙂

 

Looks Can Be Deceiving

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I want to start this blog with a little activity / homework / experiment, whatever you want to call it, for you. When you’re out on the street, somewhere, I want you to look at a person and I want you to judge them by how they look. Think of the nastiest, bitchiest and rudest comments you possibly can, all because of how that person looks. Like “Oh. Look at her face. So snooty. I bet she’s an effing.. something.” Any name calling, any amount of judgement you can possibly pass about that person.

Now I want you to walk up to them and I want you to shove all that judgement away and put on a sweet voice and as genuine a smile as you can and tell them, “Hey. I’m sorry if I’m intruding. I was just standing there and I constantly kept feeling like you’re going through something rough. You don’t have to tell me what it is. I don’t have to know. I just felt the need to tell you that whatever it is, it’s going to be ok. I promise, you’ll figure it out. Just remember to smile.” Right before you walk away, I want you to take one look at that person’s face.

I assure you that almost always, the person won’t say, “No. I’m fantastic.” They might not open up to you, but their faces will have a look of surprise and gratefulness. Because they needed to hear that. Because they are going through something rough. They just don’t wear it on their faces all the time and you just gave them hope when they needed it the most.

You can go on and try this with as many people as you want because every one of us has a story to tell. A sad, depressing story. A life altering story. We might not look like we do, we might not act like we do, but you know it’s there. In your life, in mine and similarly in others’.

Have you heard of Humans of New York? It is a page run by a man named Brandon. He walks around the streets of New York taking pictures of people and learning a little about them. It’s by far one of my favorite social media pages. In his page, recently, there was a picture of a man with a cut on his hand. I, of course, judged him for cutting himself like that. What cowardly behavior. If you or someone you know is into hurting themselves, please stop. Yourself and them. Nothing comes out of hurting yourself. It is stupid, it is painful and in my very very honest opinion, selfish because you didn’t stop to think how this affects the people who love you. You only care about yourself when you’re inflicting pain on yourself and that is not something to pity. That is something to despise.

I want you to think about all the times you’ve done this. All the times you’ve judged a person by the way they look, by what you see on them rather than in them. I want you to take a moment and think if those judgements might actually be true. If that person is truly what you thought they were. Do you actually believe your judgements were right?

“There’s a story behind every person. There’s a reason why they’re the way they are. They aren’t just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them and sometimes it’s impossible to fix them. But that’s not your problem. And it’s definitely not your place to judge.”

One of the main things I like about Humans of New York are the quotes next to the pictures that show you a part of the person you might not normally see or get to know. The person inside the looks and the clothes and the cuts. After I was done judging the man, I read what he said:

“I had forty acres and a new home out in California. I was working as a stone mason. I could bring in $6000 cash some weeks. Then I was walking home one night and someone tried to kill me. I got brain damage. I lost my sense of smell, my sense of taste, most of my hearing, and now I can barely stand without getting dizzy. I must have fallen and cracked my head open thirty times since then. Everything I knew has been washed out into the water. I’ve tried to commit suicide several times.”

That changes everything, doesn’t it? I cannot begin to explain how many times since then I’ve felt sorry. How many times I’ve wished I could walk up to that man and apologize for judging him without knowing him. Ever since, I’ve tried my best to stop myself from doing that. Every time I find myself judging someone for the way they look, I stop myself and instead I smile at them. For all you know, that one time they smile back at you, may be the only smile they give out all day long. Why shouldn’t you be the one that does that for them?!

Because.. think about it. Someone out there is judging you too. They’re looking at you and passing rude comments in their head or to the person next to them. Do you want that? Do you want to hear the horrible things they think about you without knowing you at all? Do you think it’s right that they do that? And if it’s wrong when they do it, how is it right when you do it?

Now, I’m not expecting you to change everything today. We’re humans. We’re made this way and it’s difficult to change. But you have to start somewhere.

So, I’ll take the first step. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the crticism, I’m sorry for all the hatred and most importantly,

I am incredibly sorry for passing judgements instead of extending love. You deserve better than that.

With all my love,

To You.

 

I just want to say..

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Nigerian-girls-abducted-Bring-Back-Our-Girls-10

There have been so many things I’ve wanted to talk about this week. From an internship at a company that is close to impossible to get into to my first published article in a newspaper to how more than anyone in this world, this blog has seen me evolve from the most depressed person I’ve ever met to someone who looks at life in a positive way. Beyond all, I wanted to say “Thank You” for the encouraging comments and giving me hope every time I wonder if this is what I should be doing.

I was having what one would consider the “perfect week” until a few days ago, when I came across #BringBackOurGirls. I then wrote an unbelievably angry letter that I had to delete because, “Thanks Mom for talking me out of uploading it! And oh, Happy Mother’s day !”

I’ve mulled over this a lot over the past two days and I realized that I just cannot ignore it. I cannot act like it isn’t happening. On April 15th 2014, 230 girls within the age group of 16-18 were abducted from their schools in Nigeria. Almost a month later, the media is finally turning its attention to the situation and celebrities across the globe are using the #BringBackOurGirls to raise awareness and start a protest that demands the girls be sent back the way they were taken. No harm, no scars. Though I highly doubt that is possible for the mental scar this may leave on them might never be erased.

I come from a family that has let me make my life choices. Not all of them were good but they never shut me down or shoved me in a corner and forced me to pick. I have had the freedom to study what I want, date who I like and live how I choose to. I believe that this shouldn’t be a privilege. This should be the normal way of living for any human being. Your life, your choices. Nobody should have the right to dictate your life, tell you how to live or force you into anything. And honestly, I think being forced into living in a marriage you don’t want is the same as being raped.

I hated school at one point. I didn’t believe I needed university or a degree but in today’s world, literacy is twice as valuable as a diamond. It opens doors and windows of opportunities from across the world. And in my opinion, anyone wanting all that, wanting a better life for themselves and their family shouldn’t be forced into giving them up because one group of people think it’s wrong. I’ve talked about this before. I believe that if you have an opinion about something and you find someone else who thinks the same way, fantastic ! Be friends. But just because you believe that is the right thing does not give you the right to call someone out as committing a mistake when they don’t agree with you. Each person has the right to live their own life any which way they want. If I choose to be an atheist, it does not mean I am disrespecting my culture, my family or my country. It simply means, I, as an individual, have made a choice to be myself. I will still respect everything my culture preaches, I respect everyone that follows it but I just choose to live differently. This doesn’t put me in the wrong. I’m not committing a mistake. I am simply living my life. Tell me now, is this a reason to kidnap me and force me into something I genuinely do not want ?!

To think that these girls weren’t even that. They weren’t atheists. They weren’t on the borderline of converting. They were just innocent girls with dreams. All they ever wanted was the right to education, the right to see all the beauty this world has to offer to them, the right to live their life and the right to be happy. How does someone put religion and culture into that ?! How does someone see a mistake in something as simple as that ?!

When I write about this, I have to fear my life. I have to fear the outcome. WHY ?! Why is your right to speak your mind not realistic?! Why should you be made to feel bad for having the ability to live your life as if it’s a fortune that doesn’t come very often ?! Why should people you have not met, talked to or ever heard about before have the right to tell you that your life is being lived the wrong way ?!

I am being honest when I say that if it is possible, I will join whatever force it is that fights those who condemn people from living their lives and  to save innocent children from outrageous acts like this.

I am asking you today, to not spread this blog but this message. Give every child the right to live their life. Give every child the right to dream and to chase their dreams. Give every child the hope of a better life. Give every child the support they might need to fight this battle.

And most importantly,

#BringBackOurGirls

Life goes on..

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Today, May 4, is the birthday of someone very very close to me. “Happy Birthday bro..” It’s been a while since I met him and when he saw me he said, “You look bright. Full of hope. It’s nice to see you like this again.”

Last year I had to give up almost everything I had. My plans changed, my life changed. I spent the entire year in depression. Everything made me cry. There was a point when I believed things will never change. That my life was over and all I have to do is sit and just let the end come when it may. Now when I say it, I realize how over-dramatic that sounds. But at that point in my life it seemed like the most logical thought process one can ever have at a time like that.

It’s funny how when something bad happens, we believe that it’s the end. I’m not talking about a fatal sickness or an accident but rather just incidents. When you quit / get expelled from university, when you get fired, when you break up with your loved one, when someone close to you passes away or even when you fail an exam or miss your dream university by 2 points. It seems like a life or death situation. I mean, I get that it possibly is very life altering but it’s never the end.

It took me one and half years of moping around before I decided that I have to change things. ONE AND HALF YEARS ! You know how much I could’ve done in one day? Let alone 500 days ! 500 days before I realized it’s not the end because it’s not happy. That in fact, all I had to do was accept that things have changed. Because the only thing constant in our lives is change and the best I can do is to make use of all that I’ve got. I mean, I’m sure I could’ve sat around another year and half dreaming of what could’ve been but that’s just another 500 days that I won’t get back.

In my life, I’ve learnt that there’s nothing better than dreaming big. Dream what nobody dares to dream of. Dream to fly. Like Peter Pan. To just take off to Neverland. But that’s impossible if you never put your feet on the ground. Even a flight has to hit the runway, move forward and only then can it fly. Sitting idle and wondering about would-be’s and could-have-been’s will never get you anywhere. You have to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward.

I’m not a settler. I’ve missed what many would call “incredible opportunities.” When my previous dream crashed, I had to get a new one. I wasn’t, and I’m still not, mentally prepared to create a big dream again. I’m afraid that it’ll crash too. So I set my goals a little lower. Instead of a big future plan, I set my eyes on simpler things. Things that are more NOW than five to ten years from now – A company that’s not really easy to get into. A publisher that probably won’t even take a second look at my manuscript. I told myself that I won’t take anything besides this. I will get into that company if it’s the last thing I did. I will send the publisher every story I will ever write and at some point, I’m going to write something they will publish.

Think back the years you’ve lived through. How many moments have you had where you thought it’s the end of the world and it wasn’t? No, I’m not talking about December 22, 2012. I mean, you’ve lived through tough times. You’ve moved forward when you thought you wouldn’t. You’re alive and present. When you think about it you’ll realize that all those bad experiences have only made you stronger. Brave. Never weak.

Two years ago, I had it all. I didn’t work as hard as I could have. I didn’t make use of the opportunities. Now I can’t go back. I have to look ahead and I feel stronger than I ever did. Positive that if I could live through that, then I’m sure I can live through the next disaster and the next and the next. Because.. Have you ever sat in front of the ocean and stared at it? You know how beautiful and mentally soothing a view like that is? The way the waves move and hit the shore. The salty smell that comes from it.. Now, imagine sitting in front of the same ocean but this time, it’s still. No waves, no sea salt smell. Just still water. It’s not as beautiful, is it?! That’s life too. It has to have its ups and downs. I promise every wave has something incredible to give to you. A life lesson, a person, a memory.. And when you look at it as a whole, it’s beautiful.

No matter sunny or rainy, draught or storms, the waves in the ocean never stops.. The way, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s over, life goes on..

The Liebster Award

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Thanks to the incredible Aul for nominating me for this. If you haven’t checked out his blog yet, you really should : http://montairyus23.wordpress.com

As Aul had mentioned in his post, here is everything you need to know about the Liebster Award..

“The Liebster Award is awarded to bloggers with under 200 followers to try to promote their blog a little and also bring together a community of bloggers. The rules of the competition are as follows:

The nominated user must provide a link back to the person who nominated them (me). Provide 11 facts about yourself. Answer 11 question set by the person who nominated you. Choose 11 more people and ask them 11 questions!”

My 11 facts:

1. I still believe in fairytales and soul mates.

2. I hate brown and orange clothes.

3. I’m a lazy perfectionist <- kind of an oxymoron, I’m aware.

4. I’m obsessed with TV shows but hate reality TV.

5. I’m a very non-sporty person.

6. I hate parties.

7. I’m socially awkward but insanely talkative.

8. I procrastinate. A lot.

9. I’m trying, really hard, to figure sketch.

10. I have a new-found love for dogs.

11. I hate things like this because I never know what to say really.

Aul’s questions and my answers are listed below:

1. What book genres do you read the most? Lots of romance and crime. Rarely comics.

2. Out of any characters from fairly known books you’ve read, who do you think you resemble the most? I have never read a book with a character that resembles me. I think Anastasia Steele comes close because of how she chooses what her heart wants instead of what her brain tells her to do and the kind of person she just is. 

3.  Out of any characters from fairly known books you’ve read, who do you wish you could resemble the most? Hazel Grace – Fault in our Stars. Her attitude and the strength she finds in herself is insane !

4. Are you homeschooled, public schooled, or other? Private school.. but my school had like 7000 kids.

5. If you had to choose between being lost in a frozen tundra or a super hot desert, which would you choose? Easy. Frozen Tundra. Hate the heat.

6. (I feel compelled to ask this :))If you had to fight a bear, what weapons would you choose: A shotgun, a spear, or a sword? Shotgun.

7. Do you consider yourself “sporty”?  Not even a little. 

8. What field of science interests you the most? Science? Really? Chemistry, maybe.

9. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? To travel across the globe. Visit places that don’t really come under any tourist books but are filled with culture and heritage. To live there. Learn the language, the lifestyle, the culture, the local places and write a book about it all. 

10. Why do you blog? I just simply love it !

11. Out of anyone you know personally, who do you look up to the most? My cousin sister. Her nonjudgmental way of life is something I can never do. She’s someone I can always go to, no matter what or when and she’ll give me the advise and motivation I need. She never says no. Someone with lots of love and care to give to the world. Love her to pieces. :)

Here are the people I’m nominating:

http://moonbug2013.wordpress.com

http://glasgowdragonfly.wordpress.com

http://www.selfmadejournalist.me

http://osslass.wordpress.com

http://secretninjamovie.wordpress.com

http://tripaccomplice.wordpress.com

http://nocrybabies.net

http://theurbanfilmstage.com/

….Well, I’m getting there.

My questions:

1. Why do you blog?

2. What’s your favorite book, ever?

3. If you could choose between a private island and the most expensive house/apartment in New York, what would you pick?

4. Your dream job would be..?

5. If you were given a publishing deal, what would you write a book about?

6. Your favorite color?

7. One thing you want to do before the year ends?

8. If you were given a billion dollars with only one day to spend it all and no sign or trace of it to be left behind, what would you?

9. A movie you believe every person should watch at least once in their lifetime?

10. Your favorite author?

11. Your childhood hero?

Thanks again to Aul for nominating me!  I hope that I can find 11 incredible bloggers to nominate.  If you have been nominated, you can participate by writing a post in which you present 11 facts about yourself, answering my 11 questions, and leaving 11 questions for the 11 people you nominate.  Please leave a link to your blog in the comments so that I can see your post.  Thank you !

🙂