You. Yes, you. The one with dimples so cute, I knew I was a goner before it even began.
You. The one who made me laugh silly on dark days, I could feel my heart swoon all over again.
You. The one whose voice turned my world upside down. The one who made me realize I’d never felt this way before. The one who had me fall in love like I didn’t know was possible.
Thank you for constantly keeping me on the edge.
I was the girl you wanted to talk to. But never those three words.
I was the girl you wanted to kiss. But not the one you wanted to hold.
I was the girl you drunk dialled at midnight. And the girl you pretended to not know when the sun shined.
Thank you for not nodding your head when I cried my heart out.
You see, it would have been so easy. If you’d said yes. Your life would have been easy. Because I would have done everything I could to make sure it was. I would have stood by you during your pitfalls. Your tears made me cry. Your laughter brought me joy. You were the centre of my universe. You always would have been.
And I would have been so lost in my love for you that I would have never noticed. I would have never noticed that anger you often can’t control. I would have never noticed the way you knowingly speak hurtful words. I would have never noticed that opinion you had of me when I wasn’t around. I would have never noticed the way I’d given it all up for nothing in return.
And when I did, it would have been worse.
I know you don’t get it. You think this is a hate letter. You think I’m sore and angry. But here’s what you never noticed about me.
I’m not that girl.
I don’t spread rumors about the boy who broke my heart. I don’t make snarky remarks just because he does. I don’t bitch about the one I love.
And I will always love.
It won’t be as overpowering as it once was. I’ll move on. With someone who makes me smile by just existing. And I’ll live a life filled with love and chaos with him. But ten years from now, if you decide to make me your one phone call, I swear I’ll come bail you out.
Because, contrary to what you so strongly believe, love isn’t an on and off switch. You don’t just fall out of love and go on like those emotions never existed. It’s always there. In the bottom of your heart. Buried under a lot of hurt and broken pieces. And I have learnt to live with that. I have learnt to dust off those extra shards of glass and pull my chin up. I have learnt to wipe my tears and make myself smile. I have learnt to love but know when to hold back. And I learnt all that without you. I learnt all that because of you.
And that’s exactly why I deserve better.
So Thank You.
For letting me have the ability to find someone who’ll love me for me. For giving me the time and the space to know who I was in your eyes. For forcing me into knowing how to take care of myself when everything within me is falling apart.
I promise, someday, when I’m sitting on a patio surrounded by my grandkids, I’ll tell them about the guy who showed me what love feels like. And I’ll have a small smile as I remember the first time I found myself wanting to lose myself to that voice. To that laughter. To you.
And that’s who you’ll always be. A far away memory. Because sitting with me and correcting me as I spoke about our story will be the man I once longed for you to be.
Hence, my love,
For not saying “I love you too.”
23 thoughts on “To You, Thank You”
Only those that were once broken hearted can understand the courage and strength to write this. I’m glad you find peace.
I tell you, your words spoke right through to my heart! Especially the line where you mentioned how the guy gave you the opportunity to find someone else who’d love you for you.
I never saw it this way with my ex-gf before until today. Deep stuff here. Though I always believed that she made me a stronger person and definitely prepared myself for my future relationship. Needless to say, we both learned something from our past (And definitely present!) relationships as will others who come across this article and comment.
Brilliant post bud. Beautifully brilliant!
Who is your biggest fan?
This was so honest and beautifully written.
WOW! just wow!!!
I love it, girl. I’d love for you to check out my blog and tell me what you think! http://www.littlemissmishap.wordpress.com
Extremely well scripted. And I am I’m awe with the content
wow, this is such a great and powerful [and painful and hopeful] post – thank you for sharing and here’s to finding that future guy.
Really enjoyed that – you have a gift
love brett fish
Thank you so much for your kind words. 😀 I hope I find him too 🙂
Great piece! Totally relatable
Thank you so much 😀
Amazingly penned .
Thank you so much 😀
Two Snaps! How long have you been blogging?
Approximately two and half years 😀
You wrote something like this before too, I think that is why I followed you. There is something about the way your words flow and disturb old memories is why I like reading your posts.
BTW I really hope that this post was not prompted by an unhappy encounter.
This is amazing, it’s like me all over that post. your words are straight from the heart, unfiltered. Please keep writing it out, always feel better! Also, more power to you ❤
What a powerful message to someone who clearly would have not deserved you. Beautiful! So glad I came over to check you out when I saw your comment on Community Pool!
this touched a part of my heart I wasn’t willing to look at yet, thank you for your honesty
Its beautiful Lady ! xx
Hi Poornima,, Very well said. The way you describe each situation so much in detail, I could actually feel your emotions. That’s why I want to nominate you for the Blogger’s Recognition Award. It’s a great way for bloggers to recommend and promote great blogs. You can see the post here. You can see the post here https://outlookonourlives.wordpress.com/2016/07/24/received-blogger-recognition-award/
Fascinating 🙂 I can relate so much to this post, and I am sure I couldn’t have said it better.
I have to admit I am surprised how many people go through this.
Thank you for reading and the comment 🙂