That was the name of the instagram account I followed a few weeks ago – Eff Your Beauty Standards. I unfollowed them a few days later.
I’m fat. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s no shame or guilt. Yes, people like me aren’t on magazine covers. We don’t get to wear angel wings and strut ourselves in sexy underwear. We aren’t searched and cast in famous movies by every Hollywood director there ever was. We definitely do not match any industry standards in any way. Not even heavy lifting because overweight does not mean strong. A lot of us are quite weak and fragile. We’re often made to feel like we don’t belong. We often catch ourselves wondering if women like us will ever be loved. We tend to fish for compliments anywhere we can get them. Not to boost our egos, but to feel normal. Just once.
The instagram account showed plus sized women with captions that told them they’re stunning and beautiful. It gave them the kind of compliments we all wish for. But here’s the thing – I found it offensive, demeaning and rather disturbing. Not the compliments but the idea in itself.
It was as ridiculous as calling someone a “Skinny Bitch” just because she is a size zero. I have always had a problem understanding why we blame the individual when in reality, she isn’t the one that created the idea in your mind that she matters more than you and I do. It was an industry filled with rude, arrogant pompous asses that believed that their idea of beauty should be everyone else’s idea of beauty and used their power to establish the same across the world, making every one of us feel inadequate, insufficient and to put it quite frankly, like a blob.
Let me help create a better idea of this. I am a size 12. My sister is a size 2. Do I wish for her clothes? Yes. Do I wish the fashion industry would put people like me on the magazines rather than people like her? Absolutely! Does that make her a bad person or a “skinny bitch”? You must be insane.
But surely not as insane as that Instagram account, several overweight artists, and so many others quite like them and here’s why – I don’t want a separate Instagram account that proves to me what I’ve believed all along. That I’m different. That I need to be treated specially. And not in a good way.
Tell me it’s not just me when I say – Fat people don’t want to be handled with care. Fat people don’t want you to “aww” at us and pretend like we’re more delicate than the rest. Fat people don’t want to be differentiated from women in general.
We don’t want the skinny girl to lose her fashion sense. We want the fashion industry to bring us the same kind of clothes the skinny girl wears. We don’t want the hot guy to date us with pity. We want him to know we’re just as interested in sex as the girl in that tight pair of jeans and a perfect butt is. When you see us at a store trying to find that perfect dress in our size, we want you to tell us the way you’d tell anyone else that it’s not available in our size. Don’t hesitate. Don’t make me feel bad about who I am by being too careful. Being too nice. Being too out of the ordinary.
If you want to make me feel better about who I am, stop treating me like I’m different. Treat me like I’m human. Treat me the way you treat the size zero. Don’t give me a special Instagram account. Don’t call her a skinny bitch believing that I’ll feel better if you do. I won’t. I’ll hate myself for singing that song because I know that being fat is who I am the way being skinny is who she is. She’s not a bitch and I don’t want you to convince me that she is. I’m not a bully. Don’t make me one.
If you really, honestly and truthfully want to make a fat person feel good about themselves,
Eff your beauty standards and treat me like I’m just another human.
Loud Thoughts Voiced Out 
THIS. IS. AWESOME! Very well said! I think you just said what thousand of others have wanted to say!
Thank you so much. 😀 I’ve been one of the many that have always wanted to say this as well!
Understand one thing that this is all marketing gimmick. It has money and thus it gets promoted.
But I was just wondering why does everyone wants to be dated by a hot guy?
Haha. I didn’t say I want to be dated by a hot guy. But the common myth is that if a hot guy dates a fat girl, he’s either feeling pity or is playing a prank on her. And also, I wasn’t quite talking about dating. 🙂
It is marketing gimmick. I work in marketing. I’ve seen how normal the girl looks and how different she appears on the magazine in comparison to who she really is. But that’s knowledge I’ve developed today and it isn’t good enough to beat down what has been shoved in my face for two decades. I try. We all do. But we’ve never been “that girl.” Which has created a scarring impact on so many. And we don’t want to kick her out of a job. We just want to be handed the same opportunities. 🙂 I hope that wasn’t too long an answer.
Thanks for reading! 😀
One thing I shall tell you before I reply- I do not mind long answers,they just mean we are really talking.
When I mentioned the hot guy I was simply pointing out that this hypocrisy exists in all places. Men want toned women and women wants buffed up dudes and that is what is shown in movies and is generally accepted.Speaking for a guy- most do not have 6 pack abs and perfect arms, hell one doesn’t even get time after a job. By doing this we actually put personality and mindset in the garbage bin,see we are way too attracted to appearances which are mostly fake and made up.
Plus I did write an article some months ago on beauty and appearances listing out almost the same points as you have.
Regarding the work part – Tell me about it! I don’t even have time to eat and sleep! And, no offense, but I believe the idea of “hot” is too stereotypical in movies. Every woman has her own definition of hot. I, for one, HATE buffed up men. They scare me. Like image holding their hand when crossing the street and suddenly they squeeze your hands just a tad bit – they could break my fingers :O (I might be dramatic, but the fear is real)
Anywho, getting back to the real conversation, if you can get me a link, I’d love to read it!
Okay that was something new I read about buffed up men. Here is the link
https://thecrookedmind.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/can-you-handle-the-truth-2/
I know you probably wouldn’t like to hear this, but I don’t think size 12 is fat. Anyhoo, you are making a difference. Enforce it all the more by being proud of the body you came with. Cheers.
http://insearchofperfecthair.wordpress.com
Haha. I’d love to agree but in today’s world, size 12 is a nightmare. Especially when you’re from an Indian family and your parents have to find you the groom.
“Why will the guy pick a fat girl?????” – a question I will never stop hearing.
Thank you for your kind words ❤
A difference is only made when more people support the cause. So please do share if you can! 🙂 Thank you for the support.
x
Holy crap you are getting married?!
HAHAHHAHA. I literally just laughed out loud in the middle of my workspace. *cue weird stares from colleagues* No. I’m not getting married. Not anytime soon.
I am SO PHUNNY!
Obviously so. :p
sir,,,thats not available for size 44….only upto size 40 (collar size) is something i have been hearing alll my life..so this post hits a sweet spot with me
My worst moment was – Marks & Spencers – “The track pants, sized 36, that is called “Super stretch” will only stretch till size 36! Sorry Ma’am!”
Awesome post 🙂
Well written. I just love your blog and writing style.
Look forward to more 😉
Have a great day!
~Arcane Owl
You have certainly nailed it! I think the primary reason for all of this focus is money, money, money! Did you know that there are concerns that women encourage prolapsed uteruses and bladders by trying to develop “six packs” and wearing pinching tight clothes? Great post!
I have heard about the prolapsed uteruses. I can never understand the obsession at the risk of ruining your own body, health and eventually, mind.
Thank you 🙂
There is simple equation that one who spend time in honing the body for that “perfect glossy” look than they don’t have much time left for honing the mind. Though exceptions are everywhere, probability is quite low. And hence I never understand peoples attraction to get “awed” every time with look. My life experiences says that women who never made to top of so called first impression good-look were the best friends and colleagues ever whom I respected and enjoyed talking to most. Btw you are different in a way that very few people have that precise thought process in place. Great article.
Thank you for the kind words.
When I’ve met people who looked unbelievably good on the outside, it always surprised me how equally good they were on the inside. I guess my experiences were different that way.
Well said! Society places too many labels on individuals & I must say the media does not help. They are even re-creating women in my age group (middle aged). Botox, plastic surgery, veneers etc.. the list goes on. We are all unique and whats most important is what happens to be on the inside. Thanks for sharing, great read.
I would in general give another side of an opinion.
Not every women is strong as you, especially teenagers. I don’t have to tell you how much the teens diet do I?
They need something like this, something that IF INTERPRETED correctly can boost their ego and confidence the same way a compliment might.
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Very good job! Well said!! I’ve been struggling with being ok with myself since my first boyfriend said I was fat, and since then I’ve tried diet after diet and workouts and workouts
But I found I can’t look at this world to tell me I’m beautiful or ok in their eyes, I need to look at myself and say that!! That I am enough, that I am worth it, that I am beautiful just the way I am!!
Great blog, these get me so revved up
Lindsey
I have to agree with some of the other comments. Since when is a size 12 fat? Actually 10-12 was considered average until size 0 came about. Size 0 doesn’t even make sense and it is ridiculous and unhealthy. And I am not just saying that because I wish I was a 0! Those who are a size 0 have some issues – and it is much more that how much they weight. Just my opinion.
Like you mentioned, I was considered average. And then the world introduced size 0. I was considered ridiculously fat and was advised to “get healthy” for “my own good.”
I do believe it is unhealthy. I know quite a few who were born a size zero. But getting there when you are naturally a size 6 or 8 does not always happen without complications.