2013 Going On 2014

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As I sit here, listening to songs from Sound of Music and sipping hot tea, I realize, the year 2013 has been the most trying year of my life. I have never cried so much. I have never been so depressed. I have never felt so hopeless and lost. But it was also one of the best years of my life. I have never been happier. I have never felt more need to do something with my life, to give my life meaning. I have never learnt so many life lessons in such a short period of time.

It’s true what they say – Experience is key. Sure, you can learn from others’ mistakes. But some things in life, you learn only through your own experience. In 2013, I had to give up something I absolutely loved doing. For no fault of mine. I was trapped in a corner. I thought my life was over. I had hit bottom low. There were days when I felt like I didn’t have a reason to wake up. I cried myself to sleep. I refused to walk out of my room. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was watching my life flush itself down the drains and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was pissed with everyone. I hated the world. I was drowning in an emotion that I didn’t know or understand.

Then one day, something changed. There was an incident when I did something without realizing what I was doing. I felt like someone slapped me awake. I stopped and stared at the mirror. Oddly, I had no idea who the person staring back at me was. Because that person was a bad friend, was a bad daughter, was a self-loathing, self-pitying ghost of a human being and I was not that person. I was never that person and I knew something had to change. I didn’t know what to do but I had to start somewhere. I told myself, I’m getting my act together. This is my life. I’m the only one that can fix it. I took the longest shower I’ve ever taken while I gathered my thoughts together. When I walked out, I knew. It was a new day and it was going to be better than yesterday.

I know people always ask you to surround yourself with loved ones when you’re going through a bad phase. But there are times in your life, when it is better to be alone. For you to sit down and map out your life. Make your decisions. Think things through. I started by making a list. Of all the good things in my life at that point :

1. I got a dog and he loves me the way I’d always hoped someone would.
2. I had a family to support me, no matter what I do.
3. I was healthy. 
4. I had a roof over my head and food on my plate, everyday, no matter what. 

I realized, I have more than most people in my country do. All I needed was the right attitude. And a plan. So I started with the small changes, a little bit every day. I did positive things. I talked to positive people. I took long walks and enjoyed Mother Nature. I started drawing and sketching. Finally, I started writing. This was my biggest step. I’ve always wanted to start a blog, but I never got around to it. If my life had stayed intact, I probably never would have started a blog. This may sound cheesy, but this blog is the best thing that has happened to me this year. It has given me the ability to do what I love and share it with people with similar interests.

I still can’t say that I’m completely happy and I don’t want anything to change. I would, of course, love to go back and do what I used to do. But I wouldn’t trade this year for anything, ever. This year, I’ve loved, I’ve accomplished, I’ve said goodbye, I’ve said “Nice to meet you,” I’ve let go of a memory I didn’t realize I was holding on to, I fell for someone after a very long time, I’ve had heartbreak, I have put my faith in hope and I have dreamt a dream bigger than any I’ve ever dreamt before. The lessons and values I’ve learnt are indispensable. The most important lesson, however, has been :

“No matter what happens, or where you’re stuck, don’t stand still. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. As long as you do that, you will get somewhere.”

So here’s my New Year’s Resolution :

  • I want to wish on a shooting star.
  • I want to dream BIG and chase those dreams.
  • I want to spend more time with nature.
  • I want to fall in love.
  • I want to enjoy the rain.
  • I want to save some money and travel.
  • And I want to fly…

On that note, here’s wishing you the most incredible year ahead. I hope you dream and that you dream big. And I hope all those dreams come true..

Happy New Year 2014 ! 🙂

(Pic Courtesy : Me and my incredible doodle skills)

Marriage : From “I Do” to “I Can’t”

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The past three days, the topic around me has been constant. Marriage. As one friend of mine gets ready to seek out his bride, another friend who already found her love just told her parents about it. In another part of the world, a guy I’m acquainted with just got blackmailed into signing his divorce papers after his wife ran away. Three very very different stages of life. The excited, the fighter and the hurt.

I, just like most other girls, have dreamt of my wedding – the dress, the venue, the weather, the jewelry, the guest list and so on. But I’ve always felt like I’ve misunderstood the concept of marriage. To me, it’s when two people, with common goals and interests, come together to share their lives. Caring and loving each other. Becoming the best of friends till death do you apart. Sure there are going to be some hard times. That’s the reason you have each other – to lean back on when the going gets tough. The feeling that you have someone to catch you if you fall will make you aim and rise higher in life. However, every single one of these traits must be found in both the husband and the wife. My father always told me, “Remember, you’re not the only one entering that marriage with hopes and dreams. It doesn’t matter if the other person is everything you’ve ever wanted. You have to stop and wonder if you can be everything the other person wants as well.” I think I’m still growing up on that last sentence. I’m not quite there yet. But are my ideas of marriage immature? Am I fooling myself with a dream of an unrealistic fairytale?

In a world that is now driven by your bank balance, prenup is the shit. Getting married? Lock your money first. I’m sorry, but where’s the love? Where’s the romance? Even arranged marriages are more like blind-dating these days. Surely there must be more to that relationship than “I think it’s going to be a good run.” Why do we start a marriage believing it might end some day? Why do we care more about saving our money than saving our marriage? Is losing your bank balance more tragic than losing your spouse? Don’t even get me started on the running away with your secret lover after you get married part. But as much as I would love to support the guy I know and call the woman a bitch, I’m sure her side of the story is a lot different. Marriage is a two-way street. You get what you give. It’s important to always keep in mind that the other person too has emotions.

In marriage and in life. Treat the other person, any person with respect and love. You’ll be surprised at how many long-lasting friendships and relationships you make..