I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
If you’ve wished me, I’ll wish you back because you believe in it and I won’t ruin it for you. But I will not buy into the facade that you’ve dedicated an entire day for me when the remaining 364 days of the year, I have to walk around afraid of what label you’re about to give me.
“Celebrating women, their beauty and their strength!” – Forward message of the day. Really?! How? How are you celebrating our beauty and our strength? By whistling at us? By winking at us? By grabbing us? By making kissing faces at us as we walk to our car in broad daylight with our father less than two feet away? By telling us children aren’t a choice? By judging us for not being married? By labelling us for dating? By relating the respect we deserve to the number of times our vagina has been touched?
You’re right. Not all men do this. But almost all women go through it. So good for you that you’re not all bad. But there’s enough of you to ensure we’re ALL suffering from the perverseness and your belief that you have the right to choose for me.
To choose my career – when it begins, when it ends, how far I go, how much money I make,
To choose my marriage – who I marry, when I marry, how big my wedding is, how long the wedding lasts,
To choose my role as a parent – if I can be a working mom, if I can be a full-time mom, if I can be the only parent who gives a fuck and changes diapers, IF I WANT TO BE A MOM,
To choose what I want done to my body – if I want to get tattoos on it, if I want piercings on it, if I want you to touch it, if I want you to admire it, if I want you to take pictures of it, if I want you to fuck it,
You believe you have the right to choose it all for me.
So where, in all of this, are you celebrating me?
From the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, I have to watch what I eat, how I look, how I smell, how I laugh, how I stand, how I sit – because you can’t keep your eyes, your hands, your words, your thoughts and your penis to yourself.
But hey! I have a day to celebrate me!
And it’s not just the men. Women label each other, too. Sometimes, we can be the worst kind of hypocrites. She’d show up at her house past midnight every night but, “Hey! Did you know that other girl’s out late every night? Someone’s a little slut!”
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a woman bitch about another, I’d be buying myself that Rolex right now.
Because having the latest gossip gives you street-cred. Knowing who is currently sleeping with whom makes you the talk-of-the-town. Because sometimes, the only way to get attention for yourself is to focus on someone else’s life.
The truth may be a hard pill to swallow. But if you can’t relate to the above, you’re probably the one doing it.
I mean, it’s so nice to sit at your favourite restaurant on a pleasant day with your best friend, updating each other on your other friends’ lives, isn’t it? “Oh she gained so much weight,” comes so naturally. That’s not bitching. That’s updating. Right?
But is it?
Remind yourselves of your conversations with this person. Have you ever mocked someone? Have you ever talked ill about someone?
Newsflash: If you’re an adult, chances are your best friend has another best friend and if she’s bitching about her to you, she’s bitching about you to her. Doesn’t feel good, does it? To know that you’re being spoken about? Yeah, I thought so.
It’s the year 2018. I’m a 25-year-old afraid to speak her mind, afraid to wear what I want, afraid to hold my boyfriend’s hand in public, afraid to show up home late, afraid to post pictures of alcohol, afraid to walk outside once it’s dark, afraid to scream at that asshole driver and afraid to live my life without watching every little thing I do. Because I’m not just afraid of the men and their minds and their hands.
I’m afraid of both the genders. Because being violated physically is horrifying but that doesn’t mean gossiping about me and saying mean things behind my back while calling yourself a friend to my face is great.
You feel like celebrating Women’s Day?
Then do it the right way.
Teach your children (and yourself, if necessary) the freedom of choice. Not the freedom for you to choose for me. But MY freedom for ME to make MY OWN CHOICES.
For something as simple as being able to wear my favourite pair of shorts without having to worry about what man is looking, what man’s going to corner me on the street, what he’s going to say, what face he’s going to make or if he’s going to come touch me against my wishes. And without having to wonder if at that moment you’re looking at me and smiling, you’re also texting your other best friend – fat-shaming, name-calling and mocking me.
Until then, I’m calling this day what it is…
A SHAM.
Loud Thoughts Voiced Out 
Very Very true. I am a 32 year old afraid more of women than men. I know that I am being judged (harshly) by a lot of women – from my mother to my boss. But generally it gives an excuse for men to not step up to support us stating that if a woman does not support another woman why should they do. I was anti women’s day till the last year but this year ironically I had to organise IWD. It opened my eyes to achievements of women and how we can support each other positively. I might turn out to be a believer afterall
I used to be a believer. The thing is, every woman achieves something in her own space and the people who stand by her aren’t always mentally supporting her. I had a friend who I considered my absolute best friend when I started this blog. A few weeks later, I found out she was stealing my content and using it for her work. She was my biggest supporter. She admired my words. That was the first time I knew that what someone says to your face could mean two different things. And I slowly began not believing in it anymore.
Insecurity can make people do stupid things. It is indeed unfortunate when the people we trust most are those who betray us.
Just my thoughts! The idea of Women’s day is dated I feel! When this started, it started out as an idea to empower women, to bring them to the forefront, to remind everyone that they deserve respect.
It’s 2018 and I’d like to believe we’re empowered enough to at least voice our opinions, talk for ourselves, stand for our values, choose our careers, wear what we like or help other women around us should they need. We’re okay! We’re doing fine!
Right now, we’re pushing for equality, to be seen in the same light as men. An extra day for encouragement for us only defeats the purpose, makes me still feel inferior.
As long as we don’t celebrate Men’s day with as much pomp and show, I do not need you to celebrate us! Just celebrate good human beings all year round and you’re good to go!
Your post makes a lot of true points. And in 2018 we should be empowered enough but the thing is, society doesn’t yet see us in the same light as men. You can choose a career in law of science and be successful but your peers will tend to look to your male counterpart. You can say you don’t like sex but, as the author of the article says, that’s not going to stop men from looking at up as if you were a piece of meet, or your “friends” from gossiping about your sex life as if they had a right to shame you. Not to talk about all the places where women are still expected to be obedient servants from the age of 11, or where trans women aren’t considered women, … we push for equality and there’s still quite some work to do.
I absolutely agree that we have a very long way to go before we attain equality in society. A very long way before we have a just place for everyone, an inclusive place void of judgement. And we should all work towards it! The fact that we are voicing opinions without fear in this forum is a start!
But every year I am appalled to receive Happy Women’s Day messages from extremely sexist, misogynistic men and women pretending they care. Celebrating women for a day while forgetting about them rest of the year does not make sense (as the author correctly pointed out).
Hope you have a good day ahead! 🙂
I understand what you say and couldn’t agree more. The world’s full of hypocrites and people who don’t give a thought about what they say or believe. And as many other things, women’s rights isn’t an issue to remember once a year!
Thank you and have a nice day too!
More power to you…😊😊
Well. Well. Well. I thought you were going to give me the “Valentine’s Day” remix —- don’t celebrate women on just one day, celebrate them everyday! But …. this…. this was provocative… and a very challenging insight for me as I get dressed for this women’s day breakfast round table 😬 Very good piece.
And about your bestie stealing your work—— that’s so weird, like how long did she think that was going to last! Ouch. Some people say “stealing to copy” is the best compliment, nah—- i think not. And after that you still find the courage to write and share —— you’re a boss! Thank You.
Aaah Yess I absolutely agree! Celebrating Women’s day on one day, and returning to the normal business for the rest of the year is definitely not acceptable.
I can’t help but wonder what’s next. And yet, people don’t understand the complexity of this issue.
Anyway, great post and the accuracy is quite on point!
“If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a woman bitch about another, I’d be buying myself that Rolex right now.” – Absolute truth. Men being judgmental is one thing. Women being judgmental is just insane. I just feel it’s pointless to even talk about it these days. Just tired may be.
Yessss!
Awesome!!! I totally agree. If we want equality why do we need a special day to be celebrated for our gender? I worked my ass off in a male dominated field. Every time there’s some special women’s movement I feel as though all my efforts were in vain. I did not point out my differences and demand equality for them. I proved my worth. I’m happy to read your thoughts! Keep it up!!!
As long as the thought process doesn’t change , India shouldn’t be celebrating women’s day…Dnt see that happening anytime!!!
Also, like you said not all men are the same…I would not want to let go of this opportunity to say that I am married to the world’s best man…A gentleman in the true sense. Thank you for being with me and supporting me in all my decisions.
Indian Vedic culture has given the highest respect to women in the form of Saraswati, Lakshmi and Amba. These goddesses represent intellect, wealth (meaning goodness, not just money) and also physical strength, which all women possess. The festival of Raksha Bandhan is so that men create an outlook of respect towards women. Women are not objects for the sake of pleasure but are divine. Cultures that disrespect women and their ability to inculcate values in their families, eventually degenerate.
Thanks for a thought provoking post.
I remember thinking of exactly this when India’s Daughter – the documentary – went viral. Where a man who called himself a spiritual and religious person claimed that the “Indian culture following” woman would not leave her house once it’s dark because only “cheap women with no dignity” do such things. And I always told myself that if I had the opportunity to ever meet this man, I want to know what culture he’s following because the one I was raised with had none of that bullshit. I live in what they call the ‘safest city in South India’ and I’m watching as it grows more unsafe by the day. I hope the so-called culture that man proclaimed was his (as I’m sure many others believe is also theirs) does degenerate and women are looked at as, even if not divine, a fellow human being with the same rights to our minds and bodies.
Thank you for reading!<3
I nominated you for a Liebster Award!
https://wp.me/p9Bhvg-3t
Love this!🙌
What a strong message!! Kudos!!
How beautifully you write ! I just came across your blog and read 4 or 5 articles of yours back to back and I should say you have me enthralled with your writing and what you write about ! It’s all so relatable. This one, the one about feminism and also the one about being fat. I have had that question in me for ages – who defines being fat as being ugly? Who defines any of this anyway ? Who are these people who can’t take people for what they are rather than how they are? Love the time I spent reading your blog and look forward to reading more in the future ❤️❤️
OMG! Exactly my thoughts! Especially the paragraph which starts off as- It’s the year 2018….
I like how you’ve not generalised this post and specifically mentioned what exactly happens! I agree that I have also probably been bitchy, when I was younger and I’m consciously working on stopping this 🙂
Reblogging this right away! 😀
Reblogged this on Calm in Chaos and commented:
She spoke my mind… Loud and clear!
I loved your comment about if you had a dollar ….you’d have a Rolex—isn’t that the truth!!!
And in my honest opinion women have so many wonderful examples these days it’s the young men that need the help! Someone pleaseeee hold a day to teach the boys how to avoid pornography, treat women well, stay faithful and stay married, and how to be great fathers.
There are far more problems with men…just my two cents!
well said