Dear You

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Dear You,

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this. You’re wondering what could be so difficult to say in person that I have to write about it. You’re maybe even wondering why you’re the one reading this. But bear with me this once because I can’t explain clearly what I don’t really understand. Yet here I go, trying to do just that.

It’s been six years. Six years since I looked at someone and thought to myself I think I have a crush on this guy. Six years since I wondered what it’d be like to go on a first date again. Six years since I’ve felt anything but love that terrifies your very soul. And I don’t really know how to do this. But I’m trying.

I fell in love. The crazy kind. I went on a first date. I felt butterflies. I texted all night. I giggled silly. I blushed through the day. I fell in love. And I had my heart broken. Ruthlessly. I told myself, “Never again.”

But then I fell in love again. The one-sided kind. There was no first date. There were no butterflies. I cried all night. I begged him to say Yes. I fell in love again. And I shattered into a million pieces.  Irreparably. I knew in my soul, “Never again.”

Dear You,

It’s difficult to rise from a lost love. I’m rising from two. I had the man dreams are made of and I lost him. I had the man I couldn’t stop dreaming of and I never stood a chance. You see, it’s not been easy for me.

But you know what they say. Time mends a broken heart. Maybe they’re right. For, I don’t wake up in the morning and think of him anymore. But somewhere along the day, I think of you.

I’m not in love. No. But I’m still scared. I have scars that run deep and a heart that’s healing. And I don’t know how to make sense of it all. I don’t know how to tell you of all the ways you’re helping me get better without scaring you away. I’m nervous, I guess you could say. But there’s so much more to this.

Dear You,

He said I have that look on my face. The one where he knows it’s your text I’m reading. We weren’t even flirting. But you bring about that smile I haven’t felt in a while.

And it’s not like you don’t know. I’ve said it in so many words and more. Yet it feels like there’s words to say that haven’t been spoken. Emotions that haven’t been felt. And I know you’re healing too.

But Dear You,

Waiting doesn’t help. Longing doesn’t make this better. You may think I don’t understand. But I do. I know this isn’t easy. Rebound never was. I know we both need time. Patience at most.

Patience to take this slow. Patience to understand. Patience to figure this out.

So I won’t ask you mighty things. I’ll ask you the simple ones.

Dear You,

Hold my hand. In the middle of road. In that all-too-awkward way.

Dear You,

Send me a text. In the middle of the day. And surprise me beyond say.

Dear You,

Catch my fingers. In the middle of a conversation. I promise I’ll blush all day.

Dear You,

Ask me out. In the middle of this sentence. And I swear I’ll say Yes.

Dear You.

 

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21 thoughts on “Dear You”

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:
      Reply

      Note: This is going to be a long answer.
      When I first began blogging, there was a new blog every weekend and the amount of editing that went into it was insane. I’d edit the whole thing at least five times besides editing while writing until I felt like it was perfect (Which I never did in the end. I just compromised.)
      Lately, I only write when I feel like my brain is filled with enough words for it to turn into a blog. So there’s not much editing involved. Every three paragraphs, I read from the beginning to re-check how the entire thing flows. If there’s a sentence that just doesn’t feel right, I re-write it. But in total, there are maybe 6 sentences I re-write in an article like this. It takes me an hour to write it. Something I often do is, if I come up with a particular paragraph and then find that it doesn’t go with the flow, I just press enter a few times so it’s still there in the bottom of the page for me to revisit at another point in the post should I want to.
      After I’m done writing, I re-read twice. Once as a reader to see how well it reads and to know there are no hiccup points. The second time I read carefully to see if I’ve missed a word or a grammatical error.

      So yeah, that’s the writing process. (Sounds a little strenuous but I enjoy it.)

      Thank you for your continued kind words 😀 Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

      • Robert Doyle says:

        Sounds like a great approach. I do something similar I suppose. When I really get going and am feeling inspired I just bash it out. Keep writing without worry about does it all flow. But of course I go back to it and make revisions. But if I am struggling with it and it is slower going, I go back every couple of paragraphs like you do. When I am done I also go over the writing carefully, making sure my points all make sense. Also, the nature of my blog I make sure the photos and the music clip are all in the best positions. Like should I put this photo before or after this paragraph. That type of thing. I therefore know all about the strenuous nature of it!

        Thanks for sharing your writing process with me! And you are very welcome, Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well.

  5. Demetrius says:
    Reply

    Once again, your writing leaves me in awe. I think I have really fallen in love with your writing. It’s beautifully simple yet surprisingly profound. Sort of like, communicating with me on a more personal level.

    Well Done!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  8. Pingback: Picks of the week – 12/02/2016-19/02/2016 – The Chennai Bloggers Club
  12. moi.trois says:
    Reply

    I think I reread this a million times and now there’s this sense of urgency in my mind I can’t place and it’s just won’t go.
    Not a lot of writing can do that to me..

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