I don’t know how to express this emotion today. I’ve been trying to find the right words but I just can’t.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought “You’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m not even one step close to getting there” ? It’s how my heart feels today. It’s not jealousy. It’s not hatred. It’s a feeling of longing for something I can’t explain. An emotional freedom to be who I choose to be without fear.
I write this with tears in my eyes because I am so ecstatic for so many that have fought for decades over something that shouldn’t even be considered a privilege. For the incredible souls that have waited all their lives to do something their brothers and sisters were able to do, not because they were any less in love but because the society decided to deem their emotions Invalid.
Today, a part of the world took one step forward towards Human Equality and I couldn’t be more proud.
Today, it has become more blaringly obvious how many steps behind India, as a country, stands. Today, it has been shoved in my face that while someone out there gets to look at the person they love and say “I do” irrelevant of gender, in my country, I still can’t say “I love you” unless it’s to a man.
And I can’t help but cry as I look at the joy on every person’s face half way across the world because this is a joy I doubt I’ll see in my country for a very long time. The joy that gives them freedom to be who they are. The joy that lets them live as they choose to. The joy that will allow them to look into the eyes of the person they love and know that they can be married just like every other couple in this nation.
And how much can an LGBTQ community fight with a society that has made up its mind and refuses to accept change? When we ask for a change in law, the government doesn’t discuss with us. They make up their minds and pretend to listen to what we have to say. How can you arrive at a successful conclusion when, at the beginning of your conversation, you’ve already lost?
We recently had #YogaDay. It was picked up across the world. I couldn’t stop thinking, what is the point of a healthy body if your emotions are still locked up? It doesn’t matter how much yoga or exercise we do everyday, because unless we wake up comfortable with who we are, we will never feel happy or calm. And right now, we’re not all comfortable with who we are because most of our emotions and relationships are still illegal. And did I mention it may lead to a ten-year-imprisonment?!
Marital rape is legal. Marrying the one I love isn’t.
I can’t imagine waking up and having to lie to the people I care about everyday of my life. I can’t imagine not having the ability to hold hands and showcase my love to the world. I can’t imagine not being me every single day of my very existence. I can’t imagine what thousands across this country are going through right this very moment. And I can’t understand why we’re not doing something more about it.
Because I don’t just want to be #ProudToLove. I want to be #ProudToLoveWhoeverIWant and until we get there, this isn’t our victory. It’s not even one step towards it.
9 thoughts on “This Isn’t A Happy Ending. It’s Not Even A Beginning.”
I’m glad that America has finally taken this step towards equality. But in our country, the Philippines, achieving this kind of LGBT right is indeed a challenge, as most of the citizens’ beliefs are entrenched in Christianity/Catholicism.
This is very raw, and understandably so.
I think you are very brave to post your innermost feelings, and that is a start.
This is a very challenging topic to post on no matter which side you stand [as observed by comments below any article and many blog posts on the topic] and so i tried to find some middle ground that would relate to people on both sides and came up with this one:
love brett fish
I think you are asking (hoping!!) too much from Country which is trying its best to drag the open culture to ancient stone age (even those eras had Kama sutras carved out in stones to the brim) by censoring everything falls under its radar. One more point: forget about same sex, in few parts you can not even express love to opposite sex openly. And by this I rest my case………………… Btw loved your post.
I can’t completely agree with that because I know so many people who had trouble differentiating between “boy friend and boyfriend” that transformed completely and are very accepting of dating and relationships (even the temporary ones). I don’t see why the change cannot happen towards same-sex marriages. I also feel like, we, as individuals, aren’t pushing hard enough because it doesn’t affect us personally the way dating in general did.
With that being said, I also agree with you on that. I come from a house where they can’t imagine same-sex relationships because they grew up with – if you’re a girl, you marry a man. if you’re a man, you marry a girl. Everything else is outside of what they’ve learnt and they’re too old for change.
My problem lies with the future generation. The closed minded ones who have taken after their parents leaving very little to no wiggle room for adapting and learning to love the next person even if they’re life choices aren’t ones you’d make.
I don’t know if all that made sense when put like that. But that’s pretty much what I feel.
Love to see the change coming. I am always on bit of pessimistic side who always see glass not half but 1/4 empty. But yes, if this change happens then it will be set shattering example of breaking shackles. 🙂
I tend to forget about the marital chains of your culture. Your voice, and that of others, may yet crumble the walls which shield men who wreak violence against women.