It was last year, around this time, that I became close to a guy who was two years my senior in high school.  Let’s call him Mr. Almost. We had been acquaintances for a long time and as we began to talk more, we became very good friends. We began to share stupid jokes and he was just so nice. In my so depressed state, he made me laugh. He made me giggle like a child. And I fell for him. The head over heels, I have no idea what to do with my life if I don’t spend it with him every waking minute kind of emotions.

He always hinted at a liking but there were never any promises or sure signs. He knew though. He knew how I felt about him and he always kept me on the fence. I have had days when someone would ask me out and I wouldn’t know if I should say yes because he made me feel like I didn’t have the permission to date someone else. Like I had to wait for him. So I did. For almost an entire year I did.

Have you been through a tough break-up? Where you believed that person was The One and your search had ended, only to have the relationship turn sour eventually? That affects you a lot and it takes a very long time to move on from something that strong. To say, “Yes. I’m ready to date someone new now.” I was healing from a bad break up when I met someone in university that I thought was a good person to be with. Somehow, I was very happy but it always felt like he was incredibly troubled the entire time we were together. It only lasted a few weeks.

I always wondered why he was so frustrated. I figured it out recently. He was my rebound.

For all you hopeless romantics out there that believe in rescuing a person from their heartbreak and saying, “Oh. You’re going through a break up? Let me help you. I’ll be perfect for you.” I’d like to give you a heads-up on being someone’s rebound.

Here’s the thing about a rebound relationship – The person going through the rebound always rises by drowning the other person. You are helping someone get rid of their hurt by letting them lay it all on you. And I can promise you, there are less than 10% rebound relationships that actually work once the person stops hurting.

I never knew what I did to the poor guy when I went through rebound until I was on the receiving end. Today, I have drowned. I get to watch my Mr. Almost laugh and be happy in pictures and so much of me is so happy for him but I cannot erase or push away that tiny voice that wishes I was in the pictures with him laughing it away than watching it from the outside.

It’s been almost two months since I talked to him. I’d like to believe that it is getting easier with time. I don’t blame him. It was my call put a stop to it. He was better, he was seeing things clearly and I could feel him pull away and I am definitely one of those people that would rather end it than be ended with. But I still have days when all I want to do is pick up the phone and call. I have to stop myself every time and remind myself why it is a bad idea. I have to remind myself of all the emotional turmoil I will go through if I make that call.

I honestly wish I could have come up with a better blog post today but my mind is just so occupied with him. I promise to have a better post next week. It’s difficult to come up with incredible posts when you feel like you’re being pulled down by an anchor of some sort.

When you’re going through a break up, you feel the need to be validated. You need to know that you’re worth loving and caring for. That’s why the rebound relationships happen. The other person gushes over you, loves you and cares for you and it is why they end up hurting in the end. Like the old saying..

“Nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound.”

– Mary Russel Mitford, 1830

Nothing so difficult as letting it go..