It’s A New Day..

I want something bright. That was my first thought process last week. It’s getting too dull and I want something bright. Maybe because I have started looking at things a little differently and have come to the understanding that when you look at something bright, it somehow feels better. But I just had this need to change the way this blog looked.

I began experimenting with themes and colors. I couldn’t quite understand what would work. I wanted the option of widgets and other pages to exist without overbearing the writing. Believe me when I say, I had been switching themes until the very last minute.

And as I began scouting for pictures for the header, I came up with quite a few:

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cropped-1524665_10202845371837490_855302714_n.jpg    sentosa

Though they all defined who I was and what I liked, none of it was quite what I was looking for. So I paused as I tried to understand precisely what it was that I found myself searching for and it hit me.

This change that I’m trying to make on this blog is more than just a visual one. I want something fresh. Something bright. Something similar to what I feel every morning.

And when I found this, I knew my search was over.

Loud Thoughts Voiced Out (with spaces, yes) is now:

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Shot by Joseph Barrientos and found on Unspalsh, this header is just the beginning..

And I know I’ve been slipping but I assure you, moving forward, I will have posts up every alternate week.

The content will remain as it always has. This will still be my space and all you beautiful souls will forever be the people I will trust with all my heart. And yes, I will still struggle to add as many images as I probably can (and miserably fail). But I just felt like it was time for a change.

The old theme and the way it was felt perfect at that point in my life, but right now, this is more of how I feel. Like the title suggests..

It’s a new day..

It’s brimming with possibilities and love.

Sending some your way,

Poornima

a.k.a, LoudThoughtsVoicedOut

The Life That’s Changed

Note – This isn’t going to be one of those generic posts about the world. This post is something personal and sort of an update. Also, I promise I will never be gone this long, ever again. 

I haven’t blogged in three weeks.

I hate saying that. I can’t believe I’m saying that. But here’s the thing – something has drastically changed in my life. And I’m going to start with this – I did something today that I haven’t done in over two years. I put really loud music on and danced around my room (resulting in a sprained ankle, of course).

I’ve written one too many posts about my state of depression and a very honest one about feeling like a failure. I’ve always been one of those people that believed in my dreams. When it came crashing down, I wasn’t ready to accept it. I wasn’t ready to roll with what came my way. I wanted what I wanted.

On a very random evening, I heard about an opportunity. On any other day, I wouldn’t have paid any attention to it because it didn’t lead me to my dreams. But on that particular evening, I decided to make the call. What started as an “I’m not sure it’s what I want to do, but I’ll try anyway” turned into “So I can do what I love doing?” It wasn’t the big fancy dream but it was something. I’ll be very honest. My mom told me to say yes. Or rather, pushed me to say yes. So I did. I’m glad I did.

When I began, I wasn’t very happy. As a result, my writing sucked. Which lead to a very negative feeling. And that was followed by my previous post.

But something’s changed. I have gotten to a moment that I never thought I’d get to in my entire life. I don’t adjust. I don’t re-arrange my life to fit new dreams or make space for something different. I don’t do plan B’s. Or at least, I didn’t.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve jumped out of bed to get to work early. I’m never too keen to leave from there. And as I sat and giggled at my sprained leg today, I realized – All along, this is the life I wanted. The one where I wake up happy for the day ahead. The one where a negative comment doesn’t make me want to give up but instead motivates me to do better. The one with laughter, goals and a little bit of love. It may not be in the place, with the people I imagined it would be. But it’s exactly the same.

I’m sort of terrified. I wake up everyday afraid to be happy because I feel like life is going to take this away from me too. But that doesn’t stop me. My fears are no longer making my decisions for me.

I woke up today morning and I had this feeling. I felt like we were in a fairytale. Not just me or a friend. The entire world. To say it like Olivia Pope would, “I felt like we’re all gladiators.” LIke life could throw as many curve balls at us as it chooses to and we would still rise from it all. We will always make it through any difficult moment. Like you know you have one too many times before. We’re indestructible.

We’re invincible.

And I hope you remember that.

Those Little Eyes

In a world where everyone’s asking you what you’ve achieved, what you’ve done with your life, it feels so easy to lose track of what’s important. When everything around you costs money. When you wake up one day and realize your bills are sky high and your bank account’s buried under the ground, it’s normal to feel the need to lock yourself up at work. When your partner’s fighting with you, when that silly little thing they do becomes the last thing you need that day and you end up screaming your head off and storming out, it’s almost impossible to want to go back home.

But I want you to. I want you to walk around the streets, take as many deep breaths as you need and go back inside that home. Because you know what your struggles are. You know why you’re angry, why you’re upset. But there’s a pair of little eyes watching from a half closed door that doesn’t. And it’s your duty to ensure they never do.

My mother often says, “A child should know the suffering of a parent or they’ll never understand how much we go through just to keep a roof over their head and food on their plate, day after day.”

I know so many people that agree with her, but I don’t.

My theory is as simple as this – If you, as an adult, cannot fix this, there is no way that your child can. And if you, as an adult, cannot handle the emotional turmoil that comes with this problem, what makes you think your child can?

“But they have to understand that we cannot afford everything they want.”

And here’s the thing. Have you seen a shopaholic? The girl in the big city with a flashy card that buys everything she will ever want? She always looks like she has the perfect life. Shopping all the time. Must feel fantastic to be able to afford all that. Here’s the perspective you don’t see. When we have an entire week off, besides resting, we try to spend some time with our family and friends. The people we love. If we had all the money in the world, we’d be taking them on a vacation.

When your child is looking for anything and everything money can buy, I want you to stop and look at something bigger than that tantrum. That shopaholic may be filling an emotional void with materialistic things and your child is no different. The kid in the park playing with his parents isn’t giggling because they bought him a park. He doesn’t understand real-estate value. He understands the hand holding and the push on a swing.

Sometimes, the best birthday present you can ever give to your child is, “I’m going to spend the entire day with you. What do you say we go on a hike and grab some ice cream on the way home?” It’s an inexpensive plan. But it’s the most precious thing in the world because you’re giving them something money will never buy – your time.

You have a million things to deal with in your life. And though we all wish it to be different, there is a very high possibility that when the time comes your child will go through them as well. So don’t rush them into it. If they can’t fix it, they don’t have to know.

Because your child loves you. They were born loving you. When you tell them your problem, they want to fix it for you. When they know they can’t, it turns them into a mess. Always remember, your child is a mirror. They reflect what they see in you. Don’t you want to raise a happy and loving child?

I’m 22 now. I went to university, I have friends, I have a life of my own. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to spend a day watching TV with my mom, laughing and gossiping about nothing. Or go sit at the beach with my dad and talk about old stories and philosophical nothings. We may grow up and take on the world. We may live this whole, busy life that consumes us every minute of the day. But the moment we look at you, we go back to being that same little kid, with our nose stuck to the window, waiting for you to come home.

You may fight with them. Life may come between you more times than one. But those little eyes watching through a half closed door, all they ever want is for you to turn and say “I love you.”

So go pick up that phone and say it.

And Just Like That..

… It’s been a year. One whole year of LoudThoughtsVoicedOut… I still can’t believe it.

The first time I ever read a blog, I was 16. I was fascinated with the concept. The fact that people read what some stranger would write was so interesting to me. I didn’t want to start one then. Because “Seriously Poornima, let’s get realistic. Who’s going to read what you write? NOBODY ! That’s who. Don’t embarrass yourself like this. It’s pointless. Go read something.” And that side of my brain won the argument.

When I was in school, there was this particular friend who encouraged me. Kept telling me that I should write for a living. That  writing is my calling. I’d like to thank her first for believing in the words I wrote when I didn’t think they mattered at all.

I gave in at 18. I started a blog. But what would I write about? My everyday life? Hmm. Let me think – I woke up. I ate breakfast. I hung out with friends. Dad and I talked about universities in Singapore. I ate again. I slept. – If that doesn’t make for an interesting blog, I don’t know what will. I don’t even remember what that blog’s name was.

A friend of mine writes blogs and I could relate to them so much. I enjoyed reading them and I always thought if I ever tried again, I want to write about something that people could relate to. The kind of things that would make the readers go “Oh yeah. I know that feeling.”

Last year, my best friend from university came to visit me. We went out for a ‘fun night out’. My idea of fun was never a party or a club and it became undeniably clear the night of November 8, 2013. So I just sat there and observed the difference between the crowd that had fun and the crowd that got wasted and used. It sparked a thought in me that I couldn’t push away.

It was 6 in the morning when I got home and even after a long nap, my head was stuck with how ridiculous the world of clubbing had gotten. How fun was no longer fun. The peer pressure to drink more. I still cannot get over it.

One thing I’ve learnt to do over the past few years is that when my mind refuses to shut up, I write about it. I didn’t have a journal. I just wrote on anything I found and it could get trashed and I didn’t care. I just needed an outlet, that was all. But this experience was different. That night – the most gorgeous view of my city, the best of friends and yet, instead of enjoying that, people were drowning themselves in alcohol. This deserved more than a scrappy paper. There surely had to be someone, somewhere that felt the same way.

Ladies and Gentleman, the most incredible blog of the season – Clubbing – A sober choice? Or a social need? I thought it would go off the roof. Everyone would love it and I was going to be blogging sensation. I had one visitor and one view.  Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But, I got excited and though it was supposed to be an anonymous blog, I had my closest friends read it.

I will be honest here – when I started this blog, I told myself, “If you do this for one year, and you have 10 followers at the end of the year, you’ve achieved something.” Today, there’s more than 400 of you reading what I write, giving me such positive comments and feedback and I can’t thank you enough.

I’ve said this over and over again – I was miserable when I started doing this. But this blog and the comments you all write has gotten me through so much. Like yesterday, when all I could do was cry, someone commented something nice and I smiled. So many of you have shared your struggles with me and you have given me hope, courage and wisdom. I mean, I’ve even learnt new words. Thank you.

This blog has gotten the man that said “You will not pick writing as a career” to say “There’s ways to make a writing career work.” (Totally you, Dad)

So, Thank you, Thank you and Thank you so so so much.

These are some of my favorite posts over the past year :

Fear | What are you afraid of?

Beauty…

Homosexuality – Love in its purest form : Illegal

Way Too Much Sex, Everywhere !

The Woman I Admire The Most | A Dedication

“I’m Not A Girl Anymore..”

Trust In Time

I am going to kick off my second year with a post I’ve been working on for months now. So until next week.. 🙂

P.S – THANK YOU <3