Tag: beautiful

Dear Beautiful

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Dear beautiful,

How you doing today? If the answer is great, I’m happy for you. If the answer is bad, let’s fix it. Because I’ve had those days too. And I’d have loved the help too.

I didn’t know how to say these words to you. I’m not the best at giving a speech. So I thought I’d write them down and let you read.

I get it. We may look different but we suffer the same. Whether we’re openly emotional or we dump it within ourselves, we feel the same. Whether we fit into that dress or have to have it custom ordered to our size, we love ourselves the same. With a little doubt. A little insecurity. A lot of wishful thinking.

You may not feel like you’re doing the best you can – at work, at home, in a relationship. You feel unsure. You have those moments when you wonder if anyone cares. And when they do, the acceptance is a task, not easy.

You do all these wonderful things that people compliment you for but you don’t see it. It’s not significant. It’s not changing lives or the world. So you sigh in silence as you hope to be someone else. The TV version of a woman who spends her silent nights, wishing the way you do, to be someone else she sees too. But you don’t know that.

Because how can she be that and this? How can you?

There’s a room filled with paper boxes. Each with a label – Strong, career woman. Submissive, housewife. Opinionated, judgemental. Open-minded, troublesome. Rebel, anti-establishment. Goody two shoes, daddy’s daughter. Abusive, vicious. Abused, liar.

You can only fit into one of these. You can’t be stunning and insecure. You can’t be successful and homely. You can’t have a career and a family. You can’t. You Can’t. YOU CAN’T.

Stop. Stop listening to those voices. Stop letting yourself believe them. Stop underestimating who you can be.

And never stop.

In a world that focuses so much on labelling who you are and what you do, never stop being your authentic self.

Around people who tell you your choice is a mistake, never stop taking chances.

When the ones you love try to hold you back in the name of care, never stop breaking free.

And that dream? The one that you shrug about as nothing but an unrealistic wish when deep within you want it more than anything you could imagine? Never stop chasing it.

This world isn’t a kind place to us. Yes, it’s harsher to some more than others. But that doesn’t make it better. For you to get where he has, you’ll work twice as hard and be overlooked twice as much. Don’t let that keep you down.

Don’t compare who you are to who she is.

She might get ahead of you faster than you got to where you are. Don’t hate her. There are enough people in this world to tear us down. Let it not be ourselves. We need each other today more than ever before. We need each other to fight for ourselves and the ones beside us. The ones who can scream and the ones who succumb. The ones who laugh and the ones who cry.

You may count yourself insignificant in a fight to prove ourselves important. But are you sure? Imagine if we all thought that. Who’d be left? Your voice and your fight matters. You matter. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

So go be that woman.

The one who chooses based on emotion.

The one who dreams beyond reason.

The one who hiccups when she laughs.

The one whose hair tangles with the wind.

The one who can seldom get a candid picture right.

We all have insecurities. We’re all unsure where life leads. We all date that stupid guy. We all fall in love and break our hearts.

Never let someone else’s perspective of who you are affect what you know about yourself. There’s no winning with the ones who are waiting with words that poke and hurt. So take yourself out of their game.

Be outspoken and shy. Be loud and socially awkward. Have an amazing career and a loving family.

It’s not impossible. You’ve seen it. You know it. You just have to believe it.

So go on. Spread those invisible wings and do what you’ve always wanted to do.

If you fly too close to the sun, we’re right here with a lot of cold wind.

With silent wishes and loud compliments,

Me.

Great Expectations : The Body Issue

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I was going through Freshly Pressed when I came across a blog about fashion for fat women. Or rather, the lack of it. I’ll admit I’m no size zero. I never want to be either. But I cannot begin to explain the number of times I’ve heard someone say to me, “Lose the weight. It’s unhealthy;  you’ll look pretty if you do.”

I recently sat down with someone who has been cajoling me to lose weight for years and I explained to her, “I understand you have a problem with my body and even though it makes no sense, I accept that you’re not very happy with it. But here’s the thing – I’m ok being me. I do NOT feel the need to lose weight. This is who I am, I can accept it and maybe it’s time for you to do so too.”

She didn’t understand what the heck I was saying. Because – How can someone be ok with being fat?! With not being a size 0-5? I mean, that’s just unhealthy and awkward and not nice to look at.

Now, I can agree that being FAT is unhealthy. I emphasize that word because it is not a disgrace to use it. But being skinny isn’t exactly a celebration. Size zero used to be what is now a size 4. Or maybe even a 6. The concept of thin is no longer thin but just bones. There was a time when the model walking the ramp looked absolutely stunning. Now they all look sick. So why is the world not looking at it the other way around? Instead of pointing at heavier women and asking them to lose weight, why not tell the skinny models to gain a few pounds? Ask them to stop giving young girls an unrealistic vision of beauty? Why does the cover girl have a photoshopped thigh gap? Why do we still pay to read about her?

I want you to imagine the first day of high school as a fat kid. Someone who’s used to being who she is. Someone who loves herself. Walks into the world where other girls her age start dating and wearing make-up. She walks into the exact same store her classmates shop from, but she can’t find anything in her size that doesn’t look like something her mother would wear. So she has to wear a baggy sweater and weird looking pants and hang her head when her best friend ditches her out of embarrassment. She gets bullied, pushed into lockers, mocked behind her back – I assure you these are the kids that end up with eating disorders or mental issues that make them want to hurt themselves. The confident girl that held her head high, at the end of four years, walks with her shoulders slouched, hiding her face in shame. A shame we as a society allowed to be thrust upon her. Because someone somewhere did not realize that a size ten girl would love to be just as fashionable as a size 1 girl.

The little things matter no matter what size we are. A therapist once asked me, “If there is a job interview with two eligible finalists, do you think they would pick the fat one or the skinny one? You have to lose weight, sweetheart.” That ‘sweetheart’ made no sense because I’d just lost all hope of a bright future.

There are ways to handle situations. Calling someone fat does not make them want to become thin. It makes them want to vanish. You’re worried about their health? Talk to them about eating healthy – not losing weight. Never make someone feel ugly – always remember everyone’s concept of beauty is different. For all you know, that person might just be the nicest one you’ll ever meet.

This is not a social issue or a health topic. This is about someone’s emotions. During 4th grade, my friend and I bought similar outfits. We wore it to school on the same day. A kid I didn’t even know walked up to me and said, “It looks better on her. She’s thin. You should wear something that doesn’t make you look so ugly.” I will never forget that moment in my life. I felt hurt, upset and disappointed with myself. Today, I love and accept who I am. I know that the rude comment the kid passed didn’t speak of my flaws. It spoke of his and how he was raised to be mannerless and disrespectful. But that little girl who wore her favorite blue dress to school will never forget the day a stranger called her ugly.

From fancy clothes to seats on buses and the world of dating, a fat person is always an outcast. Mocking them, bringing them down and telling them they’re ugly is not the way to show you care. Do we even have to talk about the number of people that turn to medication and have complications because of social and peer pressure?! Talk to them, learn how they feel. If they honestly feel comfortable with who they are, let them be.

And to the person on the receiving end,

Never let someone bully you for who you are or how you look. While I will advise you to eat healthy, I will also assure you, that size zero girl on the cover of a fashion magazine? That’s half sick and half photoshop. It’s a camouflage created by an industry that is filled with hypocrites and head weighted arrogant designers that do not believe a size 15 can pull of a halter – low dip – neckline just as well as the skinny one, if not better. Never give into someone else’s great expectation. Love yourself.

“Because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie?”

– Marilyn Monroe

 

Life goes on..

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Today, May 4, is the birthday of someone very very close to me. “Happy Birthday bro..” It’s been a while since I met him and when he saw me he said, “You look bright. Full of hope. It’s nice to see you like this again.”

Last year I had to give up almost everything I had. My plans changed, my life changed. I spent the entire year in depression. Everything made me cry. There was a point when I believed things will never change. That my life was over and all I have to do is sit and just let the end come when it may. Now when I say it, I realize how over-dramatic that sounds. But at that point in my life it seemed like the most logical thought process one can ever have at a time like that.

It’s funny how when something bad happens, we believe that it’s the end. I’m not talking about a fatal sickness or an accident but rather just incidents. When you quit / get expelled from university, when you get fired, when you break up with your loved one, when someone close to you passes away or even when you fail an exam or miss your dream university by 2 points. It seems like a life or death situation. I mean, I get that it possibly is very life altering but it’s never the end.

It took me one and half years of moping around before I decided that I have to change things. ONE AND HALF YEARS ! You know how much I could’ve done in one day? Let alone 500 days ! 500 days before I realized it’s not the end because it’s not happy. That in fact, all I had to do was accept that things have changed. Because the only thing constant in our lives is change and the best I can do is to make use of all that I’ve got. I mean, I’m sure I could’ve sat around another year and half dreaming of what could’ve been but that’s just another 500 days that I won’t get back.

In my life, I’ve learnt that there’s nothing better than dreaming big. Dream what nobody dares to dream of. Dream to fly. Like Peter Pan. To just take off to Neverland. But that’s impossible if you never put your feet on the ground. Even a flight has to hit the runway, move forward and only then can it fly. Sitting idle and wondering about would-be’s and could-have-been’s will never get you anywhere. You have to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward.

I’m not a settler. I’ve missed what many would call “incredible opportunities.” When my previous dream crashed, I had to get a new one. I wasn’t, and I’m still not, mentally prepared to create a big dream again. I’m afraid that it’ll crash too. So I set my goals a little lower. Instead of a big future plan, I set my eyes on simpler things. Things that are more NOW than five to ten years from now – A company that’s not really easy to get into. A publisher that probably won’t even take a second look at my manuscript. I told myself that I won’t take anything besides this. I will get into that company if it’s the last thing I did. I will send the publisher every story I will ever write and at some point, I’m going to write something they will publish.

Think back the years you’ve lived through. How many moments have you had where you thought it’s the end of the world and it wasn’t? No, I’m not talking about December 22, 2012. I mean, you’ve lived through tough times. You’ve moved forward when you thought you wouldn’t. You’re alive and present. When you think about it you’ll realize that all those bad experiences have only made you stronger. Brave. Never weak.

Two years ago, I had it all. I didn’t work as hard as I could have. I didn’t make use of the opportunities. Now I can’t go back. I have to look ahead and I feel stronger than I ever did. Positive that if I could live through that, then I’m sure I can live through the next disaster and the next and the next. Because.. Have you ever sat in front of the ocean and stared at it? You know how beautiful and mentally soothing a view like that is? The way the waves move and hit the shore. The salty smell that comes from it.. Now, imagine sitting in front of the same ocean but this time, it’s still. No waves, no sea salt smell. Just still water. It’s not as beautiful, is it?! That’s life too. It has to have its ups and downs. I promise every wave has something incredible to give to you. A life lesson, a person, a memory.. And when you look at it as a whole, it’s beautiful.

No matter sunny or rainy, draught or storms, the waves in the ocean never stops.. The way, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s over, life goes on..

Beauty…

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We all have those unanswered questions we wouldn’t dare ask in fear that someone might call us stupid. Here’s mine : What is beauty? A perfect winged eyeliner? A Picasso painting? A genuine person? A generous heart? Why? Can anybody really explain beauty?

Wikipedia tried : Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction.

Pleasure. Have you read The Fault in our Stars by John Green? That book just about killed me. It was in no way a pleasurable experience. But I thought that book was absolutely beautiful. I cannot explain why.

I decided that the best time to get my question out there without being labelled stupid was now. Hence I started with the closest of friends and family – “I’m doing research for my blog. What, according to you, is beauty?”

I got the typical answers – Beauty is my girlfriend. Beauty is the love of my life. Beauty is a genuine person. Beauty is a loving heart. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is perfection. Beauty is anything that makes you feel good.

Then I asked them “How do you say that? What exactly makes you use the word ‘beauty’ towards those things?”

I got one answer : “I don’t know. I can’t explain.”

That’s the thing. Nobody knows. I was almost on the verge of giving up when someone I know gave me her definition of beauty :

“By the magic of sight , anything which on looking makes me feel fresh.
By the magic of my palette, anything that tastes and gives me the yummy yum yum
By the magic of my nostrils, anything that gives the fragrence which I want to capture”
I didn’t ask her how she came to that conclusion because to me, that answer was beautiful.

She might not have nailed it, but her explanation was something I couldn’t question. Beauty was her accepting the simplicity of the complex things in and around us. Beauty was that she noticed something no other person I know did. Beauty was that she found it magical.

I wish I was someone that could figure it out and give you scientific facts. But I can only talk about what I’ve observed.

When I look at Miranda Kerr, I think she is so cute. When I look at Meryl Streep, I think she is dynamic and utterly gorgeous. But when I look at Angelina Jolie, I think she is beautiful. There was a time when I hated her. But as I realized just how much she gives to the world, I began to love her.

There was an Indian celebrity that I used to love. I thought his talent was unbelievably amazing. His grace so utterly beautiful. A few years ago, his personal life took a hike. His behavior during that period was everything I stand against. From that day, every time I see him do what he does best, I see an asshole. I think to myself “Look at him, trying to cover up his act with grace. He can’t fix what he’s broken.”

I’ve noticed that our perception of a person or a thing changes when the story about them changes. I used to love Romeo and Juliet. It was the most beautiful love story on the planet and an incredible one too. Then I saw the movie Shakespeare in Love. The idea (which I highly doubt is true but is the story of the movie) that Romeo and Juliet was based on an affair that Shakespeare had, ruined the book for me. Ruined the love they shared. Whenever I pick up the book, I no longer feel like I’m reading a beautiful love story. I feel like I’m reading a scandal report of how a man cheated on his wife.

Our emotions define the beauty we see. When the girl we hate looks absolutely perfect, we don’t see beauty. We say “I cannot stand her and her perfection! It’s so fake.” But when the person we love looks like crap, we see a beauty we can’t define.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. It is in his heart. It is in his emotions. It is in his love.

Beauty is the book that makes his heart yearn. Beauty is the song that reminds him of happiness. Beauty is his family and a place he calls ‘home.’ Beauty is the girl he fell head over heels for. Beauty is his first pet. Beauty is the way his mother takes care of him. Beauty is the doll he’s had on his bed since he was two. Beauty is the unforgettable connection he had with the girl he met at a party weeks ago.

It might be painful. It might hurt you. But if you love it, you’ll find beauty in it. We can’t all love the same person, the same book or the same movie. There arises the difference in our ideas of beauty.

John Green had me falling in love with Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace. He had me falling in love with their stories. With their personalities. And no matter how much that book kills me, I will always love it and I will always think it was beautiful.

Because love doesn’t always come from a place of joy or pleasure. Sometimes love comes from pain and hurt.

And hence we call it Beautiful…

The Woman I Admire The Most | A Dedication

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In our everyday lives, we are often upset by little things. A little downfall makes us lose all hope and faith. A failure leads to depression. But then there’s Her. Someone who has every reason to pull her hair out and scream at the world. But instead chooses to look at the world in the most positive way one can imagine. She finds joy in the smallest of things. When the world gives her a curve ball, she rises above it and says “Bring it on!” Through her life I’ve learnt that every problem has a solution. You just have to put your brain to work a little.

In the most difficult of times, she finds a reason to throw her head back and laugh. She is the woman every man dreams of marrying someday. Yet her own husband has no idea what she’s worth. But that doesn’t stop her from loving him. She stands by him no matter what. When he falls, she’s there to catch him, to help him up and give him all the energy he needs to rise again. They’ve been through three divorce attempts. I say attempts because every time they get close to one, something stops it. She calls it fate. I call it her love for him.

So many of us talk about how our life has been full of struggles and difficulty. She lost both her parents in the same year. She was only 14 then. Growing up in an over dramatic family with 7 siblings, she found joy in her closest sister. She found a reason to laugh when the rest of the world would have cringed and sunk.

She’s absolutely beautiful. Her laugh infectious. You can be so angry about something and her smile will melt your heart and make you want to smile with her. She’s the kind of person that will never say “No.” She’ll love you when you’re at your best. She’ll love you more at your worst. If you tell her about her incredibly amazing heart, she’ll shake her head no. Not because she’s modest or humble. But because she’s clueless.

Sure, everyone has flaws. So does she. Her flaws being – she can never be disappointed with something. She can never say “I wanted to go to that place, but I couldn’t.” She’ll never argue with you because she’ll always value your relationship and you as a person more than anything in this world. You can betray her and she’ll still give you a second chance. Sometimes, even a third or a fourth. She can handle anything with a smile.

I’ve heard so many people talk about the saying “Be happy with what you get.” I’ve always wondered how many people in this world can actually live like that. Then I saw her. She lives like that. She can be homeless and she’ll find happiness in it. Someone who believes in the small moments rather than the big things. She has the innocence of a child. Everyone she meets is her best friend. If she ever tells you that she thinks of you as family, consider yourself the luckiest being on the planet because life does not get better than being loved by her.

When she loves, there are no bounds. She’s the one with the heart twice the size of the Universe. She’s the one who will be there for anyone who needs her. She’s the one who puts every ounce of energy she’s got into every one of her friendships and relationships. She’s the one that will always look at the one good deed you do instead of the million bad ones. She’s the one that will believe in you when no one else does. She’s the one that will always have a smile for you on a gloomy day. She’s the one that giggles like a child and cooks like a genius. She’s the one that can do anything she puts her mind to. She’s the one that will never depend on you to make her mood better. She’s the one that blows my mind with the amount of strength she finds in herself. She’s the one that picked me up on the day I was born and said to herself, “This is my daughter and I will love, cherish and protect her till the end of my life and maybe even after,” and has lived by those words.

If twenty years from now, I can be half the woman you are, finding a reason to laugh everyday, having the strength to fight not just your own but everyone’s battles for them and having the heart the size of the Universe but never realizing what an incredible human being you are, I would consider myself a blessed person, dear Mother.

Thank you for all that you do to make my life better everyday.