The People Around You

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When we’re walking on the streets, wrapped up in our thoughts, we forget that there’s a world that’s buzzing with life around us.. Have you ever stopped and looked at someone and wondered? Have you ever looked at a teenager and wondered what kind of home they go back to? Have you ever stopped and stared at a person in a suit and wondered what kind of pathetic boss they work for? Have you ever smiled at a kid that is enjoying whatever little time he/she has left as an innocent before the big bad world corrupts their brain? Do you ever take a moment of your journey to look at someone’s life other than yours? I did once and it changed every journey I ever took from that day on..

It was a regular day back from university to my apartment and I was so wrapped up with music and social networking that I almost didn’t notice.. You know how we have friends? We laugh, we fight, we giggle, we tease and we make the lamest jokes in the world? I saw a gang of seven people, in an MRT, do that.. through sign language. I might not have understood everything they signed, but I understood that laughter, I understood what it meant when one of those guys shook his head and closed his eyes while laughing uncontrollably.. I looked around me and saw every person around them stare at them in awe and they didn’t even know about it.. I will never forget the tiny tear a woman wiped from her eyes as she looked at these people who have so much more to whine about than you and I do, but yet they were so happy, so filled with joy..

Somehow, since then, I always look around, I always notice.. Those old aunties who laughed so much they had tears coming from their eyes, that cute couple that would not stop staring into each other’s eyes so so lovingly that it started to annoy the shit out of me, that little kid that dangled her legs because her feet wouldn’t touch the ground, that random kid who smiled at me for no reason when standing in line at Starbucks, that girl at the market that always gives me and my mum some extra vegetables out of kindness, that mother who was texting her husband about their divorce while still cooing at her daughter in the pink tutu, the mentally ill homeless guy that wandered near my old house and always had a smile to give, that old woman selling bananas who probably went back to a small house with barely any food to eat and yet asks you how you’re doing..

Take a moment, look around you.. Look at every life around you.. At all the happiness around you.. At all the people that are probably in way more shit than you’re in right now.. And give them a smile, just because.

For all you know, that’s probably the best thing that happened to them all day..

 

Marriage : From “I Do” to “I Can’t”

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The past three days, the topic around me has been constant. Marriage. As one friend of mine gets ready to seek out his bride, another friend who already found her love just told her parents about it. In another part of the world, a guy I’m acquainted with just got blackmailed into signing his divorce papers after his wife ran away. Three very very different stages of life. The excited, the fighter and the hurt.

I, just like most other girls, have dreamt of my wedding – the dress, the venue, the weather, the jewelry, the guest list and so on. But I’ve always felt like I’ve misunderstood the concept of marriage. To me, it’s when two people, with common goals and interests, come together to share their lives. Caring and loving each other. Becoming the best of friends till death do you apart. Sure there are going to be some hard times. That’s the reason you have each other – to lean back on when the going gets tough. The feeling that you have someone to catch you if you fall will make you aim and rise higher in life. However, every single one of these traits must be found in both the husband and the wife. My father always told me, “Remember, you’re not the only one entering that marriage with hopes and dreams. It doesn’t matter if the other person is everything you’ve ever wanted. You have to stop and wonder if you can be everything the other person wants as well.” I think I’m still growing up on that last sentence. I’m not quite there yet. But are my ideas of marriage immature? Am I fooling myself with a dream of an unrealistic fairytale?

In a world that is now driven by your bank balance, prenup is the shit. Getting married? Lock your money first. I’m sorry, but where’s the love? Where’s the romance? Even arranged marriages are more like blind-dating these days. Surely there must be more to that relationship than “I think it’s going to be a good run.” Why do we start a marriage believing it might end some day? Why do we care more about saving our money than saving our marriage? Is losing your bank balance more tragic than losing your spouse? Don’t even get me started on the running away with your secret lover after you get married part. But as much as I would love to support the guy I know and call the woman a bitch, I’m sure her side of the story is a lot different. Marriage is a two-way street. You get what you give. It’s important to always keep in mind that the other person too has emotions.

In marriage and in life. Treat the other person, any person with respect and love. You’ll be surprised at how many long-lasting friendships and relationships you make..

“You’re not the person I fell in love with”

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My Friend and I were recently talking about his break up and he said to me “One and half years. That’s how long any relationship that’s serious lasts.” But why? I know for a fact that there have been more break ups now than ever, thanks to the Facebook and Whatsapp world. But is that all the reasons? When you commit to someone and you promise to be with them for as long as you live, what makes you take a step back? What changes love to hate? I gave him the one reason I believe is true.

Relationships are everywhere. It’s shoved in your face everyday, reminding you of what a lonely life you live. And us single people who talk about how incredible our lives are, now that we’re single – we’re lying. It sucks. We just won’t admit it. To ourselves or to anyone else. But then there are moments when I’m glad I’m not in a relationship. Moments when I sit on the phone with my best friends and hear them cry about the person they love. Whine about how much that once oh-so-perfect person is now someone so completely different. You can now see the “true colors” of who he/she really is.

But what if that’s not the case? In all the need to get into a relationship so as to stop being lonely and single, a person, girl/guy, tends to pretend. Not in a bad way. But say it’s a girl trying for a guy. She wants to dress the way he likes, talk the way he likes, act the way he likes. She wants to impress him so much that he believes this is it. She’s the one. They start dating. She keeps pretending. But at some point, she stops. She’s unhappy. She’s not herself. This ends in one of two ways –

– Huge tantrums and fights because she believes he ruined her happiness. She rebels from him.

– She stops pretending and slowly starts bringing her old, true self back.

Both of this isn’t ok because it’s going to ruin that relationship. If she rebels, he’s going to think she’s not worth it, she’s changed. She tries to turn back into herself, he’s going to think she’s not the girl he fell in love with, she’s changed. It’s the same when it’s the guy changing for the girl. In some relationships, this is the 4th month fight. This is the first big fight the couple has. “You’re not the person I fell in love with.” Most couples walk away at this point. They believe they deserve better. But then there are the few that say “I don’t care, I love you too much.” But how much can a person adjust to change? How much is too much? A year? A year and half?

There are the rarest of rare cases when the couple lasts a long time. But the couples that truly make it are the couples that never lied. Never pretended to be someone they’re not. Like the saying goes, I’d rather you hate me for who I am, than love me for someone I’m not..

..because that love, it won’t last !

(Pic Courtesy : Google)